You’re sat in that BIG meeting the one you’ve been prepping weeks for. You’ve been asked a question…
It’s on the tip of your tongue, you’re burning to share your answer on how you feel BUT then your brain kicks in… “What will they think?” and “What if they don’t like it” and then you swallow down your own words.
Then before the words come out your boss pipes up.
Quietly and with resignation nodding your head to agree, when your heart is bursting to share what you’re really feeling.
But you’re scared it’ll come out the wrong way and you’ll upset someone. And again, you have that all too familiar feeling of being disappointed in yourself that you didn’t share your truth. Then the moment passes and you slump in your seat.
And this goes on and on, the frustration grows and you get more stuck scared to share your voice.
Does this sound familiar?
If it does then you’re not alone.
I work with many incredible women, leaders, CEOS and Directors who live in fear of what will happen when they speak their minds and what’s in their heart.
Which leaves them stuck in life, in jobs, in relationships and in their own heads all too often. NOT fulfilling their potential and getting more and more frustrated.
Living the should life. Living for others first. Living for pleasing others. Living for approval and permission.
^^^ That to me isn’t living, that is surviving, and often when women come to me to find the clarity they need to live the happy life they deserve.
I’m Guilty of Not Speaking Up Too
And I do it too – even now as a coach. I can bite my tongue at times, but the best things flow into my life from sharing my truth and what’s in my heart. But not always in the simplest and easiest way.
My life is littered with countless awkward, painful conversations and interactions that I could have handled differently.
My school days when I was shy girl, geek with braces and a mullet that loved learning but found it hard to make friends.
To my university days when I was 2 stone heavier than now, lacking in confidence and pretty shy (not so much after a few Stellas!)
To my corporate days, when I felt continual pressure which led me to constantly people please and look for approval.
Why You Don’t Speak from The Heart
I’m going full geek for a few moments but it’s AMAZINGLY powerful. The Noggin Knowledge for this is so fascinating as it’s one of the biggest differences, between men and women explaining so much.
There is a part of the brain called the mammalian brain, this was developed when we started to stand up and group together. It’s focused on love, care and connection, and is our social brain if you like, so it wants to know where we are in the social hierarchy. So being part of a group = safety.
So, the fascinating bit is that for women:
This is physically bigger than in men, proportionally it weighs more.
And more powerful when dosed up with oestrogen, a female hormone.
So that means that women are hardwired to care more about people think. So, the ‘he said, she said’ conversations and even into the ‘I think, they think’ that can leave us paralysed in inaction.
The short of it is that women, are hard wired to care more about what people think of them, which makes us worry much more about what we say and how that could upset others.
Simple, but powerful. It’s not so much about being assertive it’s about being YOU.
Your Heart Is Your Truth
This is what I believe to be true about speaking from your heart, it’s also what I teach and coach my clients to bravely speak more of their truth.
Feelings = heart = truth
Your heart speaks the truth. It’s as simple and pure as this. No one knows your heart better than you do.
At times it might seem scary, you might be taken out of the safe and known but that’s how you grow and become more.
Those fears are simply growing pains, growing to become more of you. Your feelings are kind of like diamonds in the rough, waiting to be found and cleaned up to show you the way.
Your heart holds the key to your life. Your dreams, wishes and desires are all imbedded in your heart. Whom your heart choses to love, your life’s work and your purpose all reside in your heart.
You spend so much of our energy looking outside of yourself for answers and solutions.
You think that someone else has the answer; that they are experts, and they know more than you do.
Yet the truth is no one knows more than you do, to what is right for you, your heart has the answer — if you simply quiet your mind long enough to hear it.
You spend you life trying to live up to others’ expectations of who you’re meant to be. This is a path to the should life, people pleasing and seeking approval that I see so many women stuck in.
“Darling you feel heavy because you are too full of truth. Open your mouth more, let your truth exist somewhere other than your body.”
How to Start to Listen to Your Heart More
Here we go, how to start to speak more from your heart with your true voice.
1) Slow down and breath
To listen to your heart you need to take some time to slow down and listen in. That doesn’t happen in the day to day busyness of your life.
So take some time to stop, breathe and ask yourself ‘how do I feel?‘
I do this every morning or if I feel myself starting to get stressed and worried, even placing my hand on my heart and breathing into it.
2) Listen to what your heart says
Start to give that true voice air. What do I mean? Well… let it be in the world and have the attention it deserves. Even if that just starts with writing it down, so you can see your own truth.
“If you want to know your truth about something, look at your feelings they are your truth.”
3) Let go of judgment and fear
As hard as it is, let go of fear and judgement. The truth is that your brain is continually judging others, just as others are judging us. It happens even when we don’t notice it within our subconscious.
So why not be judged for being the real you and sharing your truth? Then it will be something you’ll stand behind more and more.
4) Let go of right and wrong
You can’t be wrong in your truth, it’s simply your truth about how you see the world.
That is not up for debate with others, it’s simply you being and honouring you. So let go of thinking and feeling things that are wrong, instead start to think of life as an experiment where you’re doing the best you can.
Get that white lab coat and let go of attachments to right and wrong, instead thinking about what can I learn from this what has it shown me.
5) Flex your true voice muscle
Start to flex that muscle of sharing your truth. If the truth feels scary, don’t worry I’ve got your back.
One of my favourite series of books, is Conversations with God and in them Neale Donald Walsch talks about 5 layers of truth telling.
“Start telling the truth now and never stop. Begin by telling the truth to yourself about yourself. Then tell the truth to yourself about someone else. Then tell the truth about yourself to another. Then tell the truth about another to that other. Finally, tell the truth to everyone about everything. These are the 5 levels of truth telling. This is the five-fold path to freedom.”
So, start with where you are right now, even if you just start to write down how you feel… your truth then you’re on the path. Start to listen to your true voice, your heart.
Where will you start to share your voice more? Leave a comment and let me know!
If you found this useful please share, and here’s my Overwhelm to On Fire: The 5 Minute Head Clearing Checklist for Women in the Corporate World… just click here to download your FREE copy!
Big love
Nic x
