Nicola: [00:00:00] welcome to episode 23 of the female leaders on fire podcast. I am your host, I’m Nicola Buckley, and I am the coach for women at the top who really want to find that fire gangs that passion, that purpose excitement, so they can have more impact, more influence and income as a result of. Force for good in that organization.

So today, really following on from a bit of a theme that we’ve had over the last couple of weeks. So we’ve talked about how to ask for permission to pay rise. We’ve also had the brilliant Michelle, we be about asking for what you want, getting clear on what you want and ask him for it, but stay given the time of year.

So we’re getting towards the end of year, we’re getting into planning for 2022 looking at budgets, looking at forecasts. Looking at the key strategy for next year and also the objectives that are coming out of it. And as part of [00:01:00] that is all end of year reviews going on. So there’s a lot of that at the moment in the corporate world.

And also it’s that time of year, just before Christmas, trying to get things done and trying to get to hang onto. Without burning out without feeling exhausted. And so it’s a hard time potentially to focus on personal development and there’s a lot of pressure to get things done. It’s a lot of pressure to get projects finished off with that calendar end of year.

So really that personal development quite often at this time, you can just be kind of pushed to the side. So what we’re going to be talking about today, another juicy one along similar lines, but really about getting more from your end of year with. How’s it go into those meetings and feel excited, how to go in and feel preps, how to feel clear on what you’re asking for and how to really get, get from it, what you actually want and what you actually need.

So, oh, well, I would just start by sharing just how I found reviews and view reviews for me in the corporate world. And I think the easiest way that I can really describe it for me is I always felt like I was going into [00:02:00] parcel. I always felt like I had to go in and really. No. Um, it wasn’t so much owning and demonstrating my value and worth.

It was almost like defending my value and worth. So I tended to be the first in and last out. So it was a time when we were still in the office. So I would get in in the morning, I would go to the gym, but generally be at my desk for a half per se, during launch time, my life wasn’t my own. I would be there just fixing problems, getting things ready, making sure everyone was briefed.

Really responsibility for launch fell on my shoulders. So I. Multimillion pound launches for big telecoms companies. So everything really came back to me. And you could guarantee the week before a launch or a couple of weeks before launch something would go horrifically wrong. Something would go so wrong.

Just stop the whole launch happening. And that is where we would just have to be it just in long meetings and long emergency on long [00:03:00] emergency calls, trying to bring a new people, trying to bring people to fix it. And Jeremy, what would happen? We’d end up with some kind of manual work around and that manual work around, which is I ended up staying meant to stay for months who ended up saying for years.

So really during those launch periods, the first, the last three or four weeks before my time, it wasn’t like. I would just, I wouldn’t have much in my social diary. I would be really focused on work. I probably take work home at the weekend. I’d be the first in the office, the last out of the office. And I would just, I would give so much of myself.

Um, and then when we came to launch, I was so exhausted that I just, I didn’t really appreciate myself for I’d done. I do really enjoy it so much. I didn’t really look back, reflect to think we’ve delivered something brilliant because the day we launched with an into reporting and stats and feedback, and what’s gone well, what hasn’t and what are the numbers?

So. My end of year reviews were a time where I felt like I had to really go into battle. I felt like I really had to go in and just defend everything that I’d done. And why had I [00:04:00] worked so hard? Why’d I give them so much what I’d actually delivered. So I always felt like it was, I was going, I would just assume it would be a challenging conversation.

I just assumed it would be a school that I wouldn’t necessarily agree with. And I’d have all this evidence and to kind of contradict that and to challenge that. And I always felt like I just assumed I was going to be disappointed. I just assumed that it was going to go in the way that I wanted. So I think looking back, there’s just a lack of confidence.

There was a lack of maybe clarity around my objectives. And also, I know for me, I didn’t necessarily own myself promotion and the biggest point I’d really urge you to take out of today’s. When you get to your interview, you really it’s almost too late. You should go in knowing what’s going to happen. You should go in with an expectation.

You should go in with some kind of indication of what your view, how it’s going to go and what your score is going to be and where you’re going to set. And if you’re not going in like that, There’s been a bit of a breakdown in Kune medication, or maybe you haven’t focused and pushed enough [00:05:00] to get that feedback all the way through the air.

And part of that is down to you and that’s, it starts sharing the brilliant things that you’re doing and self-promoting, and speaking up, sharing what your team are doing and the impact they’re having and things that are changing as a result on everything that you’ve delivered. You know, part of that is done to you.

But part of this is also down to an organization, having a culture that is more of a coaching culture, that isn’t just giving someone feedback at the end of the year or three months later, about a reaction or a behavior or something that’s really impacted you or impacted the business, because then it’s too late.

That feedback needs to be in the moment that feedback needs to be spontaneous and just like a reflection for you when it’s still fresh in your mind. So part of it is down to organization supporting that coaching culture. And as a woman at the top, having that relationship set up with your team to have that more spontaneous and instant feedback in the moment, just helping someone to reflect back on their behavior or reaction to [00:06:00] something or how they could have done something differently.

Was there a different way to do that, to deliver that message? So. I know for me those end of year reviews, I can look back now and could see part of it was me not only my value, not only my worth and being so. That mode of doing and giving so much that I didn’t take the time. So then I got to those end-of-year reviews.

I felt like everything was riding on those reviews. So it was such pressure that I had that I would feel the day before I’d feel sick. When I was going into the meeting, I’d feel like I was just supposed to hot. I was shaking. Just anxiety would just run through me because I felt like it was going to be a challenging and difficult conversation.

And it was very few of those reviews that I enjoyed. And I think at the time as well, if I look back, I took things incredibly personally, the, a one comment, one bit of feedback. To me, that would be the end of my career. That would mean that I couldn’t do what I was doing anymore. Um, I also felt at times that I was [00:07:00] just given incredibly vague feedback.

I was given feedback around, well, you need to raise your profile or increase your visibility or work on bigger projects. And just having that vague feedback would leave me really frustrated and unclear. So. You’ve given me that feedback, but I don’t know what that actually means. Can you give me some actual, tangible examples?

And I didn’t always push hard enough for that. And I wasn’t always given that and the women that I work with now. A lot of them are, a lot of them are at that very senior level, but not always owning that self promotion piece, not always sharing the brilliant things that they’re doing, not always speaking up for their team and everything that they’re delivering and the impact that they’re having.

So they’re kind of waiting for other people to see it rather than just that constant nudge of this is what we’re delivering. This is what we’re doing. This part on you to really own that self promotion, not let it all come down to that final conversation at the end of the year, where a lot of things have already been discussed and decided outside of that.

And then there’s [00:08:00] also part with the organizations create that coaching culture, where there is that more ongoing feedback, that feedback isn’t just given to you in one session, which is a huge amount to digest and take away. But actually. Coming out with a presentation and ask him for some feedback from a peer or being given some feedback from your boss and taking that on board and getting really clear and specific on what that feedback is and making it very actionable.

So you can take where you were and move on to where you want to be. And just action that feedback in a very real way. So hopefully this is resonating with you and I, to be really clear, it might be different for you. The world’s moved on a lot. It could be that this is something that you enjoy, something that you own.

But I have found for many of my clients is something that they, they don’t enjoy and that they find quite awkward. So what I want to do is today is the main part of the episode was really to give you some tips and ways. Of really setting [00:09:00] up that end of year review so that you can really have it as a positive conversation habit as a feel good conversation, whatever the outcome is, having some very clear and actionable next steps so that you have that clarity to take inspired action.

You and you love what I have to say. And you have moments and flashes of inspiration from the podcast. I would invite you to get in touch, to find out how I can help you. So individually, that can be through my coaching focus program for my VIP program, depending on the. Learn and what will suit you, or I can help you in your organization to really help the women that you work with across the organization at all different levels.

And at that very senior level to really feel empowered and to know that they can reach the very, the most senior levels in that organization and to give them the. [00:10:00] In who they are and the clarity and what they want to be able to get there. And we do that through workshops, do that through leadership programs, and we can do that.

Free consulting work. If you are looking for out with any of that, drop me an email nycla@nicholasschoolco.com. The spelling is not the easiest. So all the details are in the show notes results I get for clients. Clients have been promoted twice in the six months we’ve worked together. They’d been invited to join the board.

They’ve gone from redundancy to being offered three dreams. They’ve gone from being pushed out of an organization to going into bigger organization and a bigger role with a bigger pay rise and just a quote from a client that particular. I’ve gone from the pit of despair. When I started working with Nick to just being really fucking happy and she is an incredibly empowered leader.

Now, if you’re not quite ready for that, you can download my overwhelmed on fire guide the details that are in the show notes, but that really helps you everyday to stay in your fire. So it helps you to clear your head, helps you to come back to what’s important to you, and it helps you to have that [00:11:00] most impact and influence every single day.

It’s a little Quip sheet that you can just go through and take. So go and download that. Or you can subscribe to my newsletter, which comes out every Friday, which is a Roundup of the week. Really? So what’s going on in my world. What’s a blog for that week, a quick video, that’s going to help your particular subject and it’s all about helping female leaders to find their fire.

And also. And any research from the industry as well and things that I’m reading that I really love and recommendations that we’re making. So go and subscribe to that. And finally, for the podcast, if you haven’t done so already, I would love you to go and leave us a review and subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

And you’re always going to have the win that. And doing that as well. Not only helps you, but it also means that we’re going to reach more women and we’re going to be able to start that revolution to helping female leaders, to keep that fire, find their fire and keep it. So keep that passion, that purpose side excitement.

So if you [00:12:00] haven’t done that already, please go and do that. Thank you.

Let’s get started. So point number one is really about owning own the meeting. So when it comes to the point where talking about development reviews, you begin the meeting, you set the date, you book that in with your boss. You give a time, you set the outline, what you want to cover a new leader and you own it.

And really as part of that is that confidence to your taking, you’ll take your responsibility for your value and worth. You’re taking responsibility for yourself development. You’re showing that actually this is really, really important to you. You’re showing that your commitment and loyalty to the organization and the, actually this is an important conversation that you want really good, a good amount of time set aside for, and he wants to do it in a way that feels good, so you to own it and utilize it.

So get the meeting. Set the date, think about whether that’s going to be, that’s going to be remote or it’s going to be [00:13:00] face-to-face and what works best for you? So the point number one, point number two. So really prep. So I used to go back through my year and look at timeline of the year. So I used to look at what high, what had high delivered through the air.

And then how did that compare to the objective? So if I delivered on my objectives, great, how would I do that? Did the behaviors match with what was expected of me at my level and at the next level. And if it’s a yes, and I’m delivering my, in my objectives, what was the impact? What were the measureables?

Um, and don’t assume because your boss is your boss, that they know everything that you’ve done, that they can look back and just know everything don’t assume, but just take them for it and just remind them and have that all prepped and ready. If you’ve not looked at your objectives, if not, why not? So it was the changing company direction.

Was her change in priority while you move, where you moved on to something different where your expertise was even more needed. And this comes back to really owning your achievements, owning what you’ve delivered, [00:14:00] owning what your team has developed. What has changed for the air because of what you’ve done and what you’ve led.

And this goes back to that self promoting throughout the year, rather than just leaving it down to that one meeting at the end of the year, that self promotion for out the air. So things like influencing upwards, sharing what you’re doing as you’re going through the project and ask him for help of speaking up for your team and the brilliant things that you’re doing and self promoting through mentors through supporters.

So that even when you’re not in the room, Great things are still said about you. So point number free prep and practice. So this is something that, um, I actually taken a few of my clients through as well, just to really have confidence in that meeting. So to think about your voice. To think about how you sell that meeting so that you feel confident going into it so that you feel grounded.

So think about your body language. Think about how you can sit nice and tall and just feel grounded and feel [00:15:00] confident. You’ve set the agenda. You know, the outline, you know what you want to talk about. So set all that up and think about also your language. Think about the words you use. So are you saying, sorry, are you saying just all using words that lessen your impact and think about those words and think about how you can just use language.

It’s really positive. That’s quite assertive and you just reflect your competence. And you can even practice. You can practice with trusted peers. You can ask for feedback, or you can sit down with a mentor and go through some of those points. You can sit down with a mentor and go through what the structure is and how what’s their view on getting the most from it.

And really just take some time. Take some time to not just prep your achievements and your timeline and way you have this, your chapters, but how you want to feel, who do you want to be in that interview of you? What the words that you want to leave is the impact coming out of that meeting. And as part of that preparation as well, There’s just more and more transparency around salaries now with websites like [00:16:00] blast or fairy Fairygodboss.

So you can see, you can benchmark your job role against other job roles in industry. So get clear on what you want. Get clear on what you’re asking for, get clear on what your expectations are, but the prep and practice isn’t just. Creating all those expectations are going through your year and knowing the timeline, knowing the objectives where you are versus those objectives, it’s all about.

It’s also about that confidence in your voice and grounding yourself, how you can feel confident going into it. So point number four. So they get really, really clear on what’s expected. So set your own goals for the next year, set your own goals for next quarter. And also, what do you think is your path to pay rise or promotion?

And when you’ll give them feedback, make sure it’s really specific, so really push on it. So rather than those vague things, like. You raise your profile, increase your visibility, take on more development opportunities. You can be a bit over-emotional overactive of time. [00:17:00] If you’re not clear what that means.

If you’re not clear why that’s impacting on you getting to the next level or having the impact and influence that you want really get super clear, ask the questions, um, and really own it. And then to share with your share with your manager through that meeting. How are you going to, what steps are you going to take to really, to meet that feedback and map out how to get the experience and the skills that you need and to have your manager agree to that and support that and be specific.

So women’s had to get. Uh, if it was 50 some stats that I found on this as well, that were really interesting. 57% of women got vague sound and praise on their reviews where only 43% of men did. That was according to review of more than 200 performance reviews from four companies in the USA. And 6% of men had that feedback tied to business outcomes while only 40% of women did so own that clarity, [00:18:00] own mapping out.

What’s next. I mapping out that path to a pay raise or promotion and setting your own goals against the objectives of the business and do get the help and support with that. But you, you can own that. You can put that together. And if that feedback is vague, Get clear on it, ask the questions, own it. What does that mean?

How can I, how can I do more of that? How can I do less of that? Where have you seen that? So really, really own it. And don’t accept that vague feedback. Be incredibly clear and then point number five. This is really where. Employers is to create what we talked about earlier with that coaching culture. So it shouldn’t be that anyone goes into and view of you and this huge surprise.

And there’s a huge disappointment. It should be that ongoing feedback as part of the end of a project or just as part of ongoing conversations and catch-ups, and in the moment it can be spontaneous in the moment it’s fresh in someone’s mind in the moment, or just afterwards. [00:19:00] It’s very easy to sense that, well, what would I do different.

When you get sanded via review and you’re in that bigger meeting and there’s a lot, that’s riding on that meeting with your career and your next steps, it can feel quite heavy. It can feel quite weighted. It can feel quite disappointing. And if there’s more than a couple of things, it can also feel like there’s a lot there.

Whereas that coaching culture of in the moment, feedback of being able to ask questions and challenge and get really, really clear on how to do that differently. That’s down to employers and the organization as well to sell that coach coaching culture, to really support their employers, employees at all levels.

And you can be part of that as a woman at the top, you can be part of that with yourself and with your team and encouraging that with the people around you. So that’s everything that I wanted to cover, but really end of year, review time, it can be a really uncomfortable conversation. I know for me, I felt like I was going into battle.

I felt like I’m just going in having to defend myself and really just remind my [00:20:00] manager of everything I’d done for the year. Cause I’m so busy just giving and doing so much and doing the job. And I was. I wasn’t really self-promoting I wasn’t owning my expertise and my impact. So I put so much pressure on that one meeting.

I made it really uncomfortable, made it very, it was very anxiety inducing, but I would often come out disappointed because my expectations were. Hi, because I knew I was very, very good at what I, what I had done, but also there was a mismatch. I hadn’t had that ongoing communication. Hadn’t been that focused on my personal development all times.

And towards the end of my career, we’ve got much more focused on that. And then the results just demonstrate that in terms of getting more probations and get into more senior roles, but really. Oh, and that meeting set it up in the way that feels good for you. Do your preparation, have some feedback practice.

So have the conversations with peers, um, and really get very specific on the feedback during that meeting. And if [00:21:00] you don’t get what you want. Ask for the reasons why and ask for what is the, what’s the paths that pay rise. What’s the path to that promotion. Don’t allow yourself to be the victim of that vague sounding praise or feedback.

And then for organizations really think about that coaching culture. So that on the spot feedback, that more is spontaneous feedback. After a meeting, after a particular call with something, maybe hasn’t gone quite the way they want it. And also not to take it overly personally, it’s not the end of your career.

If it doesn’t go in the way that you want to. I think the final thing as well, just remind yourself, actually, you know, you’re more rounded person than just your job. Your job is not your life. So really it’s just a part of your identity. It’s a really important part, but it’s not all of who you are. So don’t take it as you know, it’s, it’s everything to you because it doesn’t need to be and, and just relaxing.

Okay. So I hope that’s been really, really helpful. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, if you are prepping at the moment for your [00:22:00] interviewing, you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. My overwhelmed on fire guide will help you to clear your head and just by five to 10 minutes. So go and download that the link to that is available in the show notes.

If you want some help prepping, this is something that I do with clients as part of just working together. So my contact details, or you can contact me on LinkedIn or send me an email. That’s all again, all in the show notes and details of how I work with people is on my website. Again, all the details are in the show notes.

So next week I’m super excited next week, because I’m going to be talking all about wellbeing for women at the top and human leadership as part of that with Andy Holmes, who’s our first male guests. And actually it’s our longest episode, I think so far. So I’m really excited about that one. We’re going deep.

We’re going, yeah, it’s just a really, really incredible conversation. And actually didn’t even want the conversation. And when it did, cause there’s lots of brilliant stuff in there. So I’m super excited for you to have that. Right. That’s it for today. Thanks so much for listening and I’ll see you on the next episode.

Bye.[00:23:00]