Speaker 1 (00:00):

[inaudible]

Speaker 2 (00:11):

Hello, welcome to the female leaders on fire podcast. I am your host, I’m Nicola Buckley. I am the coach for women leading in the corporate world who really needs to find their fire. So that purpose, that passion, that excitement, so they can have more impact and influence and income as a result and become a real force for good and a driver of change and really make a difference in the corporate world. So today’s episode is just based on some feedback. Um, I did a recent poll over on LinkedIn. Um, if you like, what I have to say today, you’ll find me on LinkedIn a lot. Um, so it just adds me as a connection on there, but I did a quick poll asking about subjects. I’ve C I’ve been away from summer, been on holiday, and now I’m getting back into things we’re just planning next year as a podcast recording.

Speaker 2 (00:58):

So put this poll on LinkedIn and took about three or four different subjects. And out of all of the ones that I put on there, the one that got chosen was just really around how to have more energy, how to manage energy and really how to belts influence your energy. And I was just thinking about the context of it. When I put the poll out in the context of where from speaking to female leaders and working with them day in, day out, where they feel they are right now, because we’re actually at the point where we’re out of lockdown. We’ve had our summer, we’re shifting into winter. The days are getting longer. Children have gone back to school organization. Some are kind of hybrid work and potentially now, so some people are in the office. Some people are doing a bit of both and really we’re getting into that final part of the year.

Speaker 2 (01:45):

And for many people, energy naturally drops as the days get shorter as well. And just many women I feel as well. And I got the sense of the, of really struggling after giving so much for you for so long through the pandemic. And as we come back out and shouldering not only some really big decisions at work, some really huge projects to keep businesses going and be profitable to support their teams working from home and keep them motivated and inspired as well as the invisible low work at home of managing what children are doing. What’s the dog eating and the household tasks. And this isn’t just my view. This is proven, and this data supports this, that women kind of taken on an additional load through the pandemic to really, to keep households and to keep work and businesses going. So really there’s a sense of being really tired and depleted and struggling with energy.

Speaker 2 (02:42):

And this was, I’ll share this in the show notes, but it was a really brilliant article in the New York times. That was all about languishing. And you might not know what languaging is, but, uh, languishing was really a sense of just feeling a bit, blah, and feeling a bit unmotivated. I’m feeling just a bit kind of like you don’t have motivation and you don’t have focus. I really suggest you go and read the article. Um, it’s on the New York times, you just type in languishing, it comes up straight away, but it’s in the show notes anyway. So go have those written recent by Adam Grant and really what, what is languishing? So languishing kind of fits between. It’s not, we’re not in survival mode anymore, so we’re not in depression. We’re not in burnout. We’re not feeling completely hopeless to everything that’s going on and we’re not in fiving.

Speaker 2 (03:30):

So we’re not joyful in every moment. We’re not constantly excited about what’s next. We’re not surviving and we’re not in frightening. And we’re actually in this middle point. And that middle point is what Adam described and articulated as languishing and languaging is really a sense of stagnation and emptiness and feeling as if you’re muddling through your days, you’re just kind of getting through them and you feel like your brain is quite foggy. You feel like the normal tasks take a lot more energy and it’s just feeling, it’s almost like you’re, you’re waiting for Trico. It just feels like really, really hard work. And we’ve gone through those early days of the pandemic, um, when we were in constant flight or flight and we started having to wear masks. If we went out, we actually didn’t go out a lot as well as we lost a lot of connection.

Speaker 2 (04:18):

And over that time we developed, we got used to thinking, we’d develop routines with developed ways of coping, but we’re not really in that flourishing peak of wellbeing because we’re not yet at a point where all our life is back to normal and we’re not likely to get back to normal as it was before. And we’re stuck in this middle part where it’s kind of, it’s, what’s described as like neglected, middle shot, middle child of mental health. So it’s between that, that survival and surviving and thriving. And it’s kind of like the absence of well-paying. So you’re really finding it hard to get motivation. You’re finding it hard to focus. You just worry a bit more, you’re feeling a bit anxious. And it just seems to be here a lot. And this term languishing was coined by a sociologist named Corey keys. And it’s really it’s out of the research that he did on just people experiencing mental health, um, through the pandemic and what were the results.

Speaker 2 (05:13):

So for me, just reading that article, it was actually really nice to have a sense that I wasn’t the only way I wasn’t the only person feeling how I’m feeling. And if you think about how, when you’re speaking to people and you’re asking how they are, they might say fine, I’m ticking along. But actually what they’re saying is I’m languishing. And I see this, I’ve seen this an awful lot in the women that I work with. Just having taken on the so much for so long. So first of all, to say, if you are struggling with your energy, you’re certainly not alone right now. So my intention for you today is to really help you to choose your energy. It’s really, to help you to become incredibly aware of what your energy levels are, what your, where your energy might be going and where energy leaks might be.

Speaker 2 (05:59):

And then it’s really, I’ve got six, um, super simple, but really powerful tips at the end to help you to have more energy as a leader. And today is all about helping you to learn, to manage not your time that we’re told that’s the way to be productive. That’s the way to be successful is manage your time, manage your diary, schedule everything in, but we’re going to help you instead to manage your energy. Because really, if we manage it, managing your energy in the right way as a leader, it just creates more energy. Whereas if you don’t manage your energy as a leader, you are going to have less and less energy. So think about the low energy of depression and anxiety and overwhelm, and you probably end up over giving and then feeling frustrated and resentful that you’re not being noticed as a leader.

Speaker 2 (06:43):

Whereas if you, if you’re in high energy, you’re excited, you have loads of energy, your, your passion and your purpose is that, and it comes across to people and it almost feels like you’re on fire, but you can’t be constantly in that very, very low energy or very, very high energy. Um, we can be in that low energy from time to time and quite, almost swallow in it. And we could be that high energy from time to time and be on fire. But either those constantly leads to can lead to burnout, can lead to chronic fatigue and have like a really longer term impact. So that middle ground of languishing is where many women are stuck. Staying many female leaders are stuck state. So we’re going to be helping you choose your energy. So just to introduce the subject of why I’m so passionate about it is because I see women who have got to the top of the, where they are and they are bored, and they are very much the leaders in the organization or for the area and in a man’s world that takes a huge amount.

Speaker 2 (07:39):

It takes dedication. It takes persevering. It takes resilience and getting past nos on doors closing, but above all, to get to those very senior levels, it takes constant energy to keep going when there’s a no to find another opportunity, to find a new way of doing something, to share your voice, even when you feel like it’s not being heard. So women of take, take more energy to get to that senior level, add to that. The additional challenges of invisible, the invisible burden that we have at home or family of household responsibilities, add to that, the biases that are face add to that, the boys network, um, and that immediate closest of men at very senior level would be more of them versus women add to that, having less confidence, maybe because there aren’t those role models outside that just not owning the ability so much because self promotion, self promotion is seen as a bit awkward, or it feels a bit icky.

Speaker 2 (08:35):

So those top level jobs are very tough on everyone at that senior level. And, but the transitions to that very senior level management really comes, I think, were extra challenges for women. So some are psychological that might be gender differences. It might be that women take less risks or self-confidence and others are structural. So in parenting women’s hiking or more at the child-parent domestic duties. And again, this is not about men being wrong, burn the patriarchy. This is just about the states nation, where, where we are right now. So if you are a female leader and you’re feeling the moment, you’re just feeling like you’re tired and you’re going to wake up tomorrow and you’re still going to be tired. My intention really is for you to help you today to really choose your energy. Um, what I would invite you to do is almost go and get a note pad, go and get a pan and note down some of the things that I’m talking about, and some of the things that resonate with you that you think you could do to help here to really start to choose your energy, because this will be revolutionary for you because it becomes an invaluable part of your toolkit and invaluable part of your skillset to be that female leader that has that longevity and has that grow in impact.

Speaker 2 (09:46):

And that grow in influence that has more income as a result to have the lifestyle that you want, that creates more balance, but also to be an incredible role model for other women, because as one of the most senior female leaders in your organization, you have a responsibility with what you’re role modeling. So today I really want to help you to become a role model, someone that really chooses that energy, um, and has a toolkit to help them do that. So what are the ways that we can help women in organizations to really the senior female leaders in organizations to own that energy and really be able to choose that energy? So the first point I want to talk about is really just around energy awareness. And I think, again, we can very quickly get into blaming ourselves or being hard on ourselves for being tired, not having that energy feeling like we’re languishing and almost make it another thing that we beat ourselves up with.

Speaker 2 (10:40):

So the first thing is to have that energy awareness, but have that energy awareness without judgment, without berating ourselves about ruminating, almost letting go of the reasons and acceptance of if you’re in a low energy or if you’re in a high energy and just almost be curious and, and almost become a, a bystander and a view of your energy rather than blaming or making yourself feel bad for it. So the energy awareness, so simple ways to do that, you can look at, feel your energy from a score of one to 10, and you can also split your energy into different frameworks. So I talked to clients about four different areas of energy and that’s mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. So just when you’re looking at your energy potentially using that one to 10 school, you can also then split that into mentally. What is my energy to say emotionally, what is my energy today?

Speaker 2 (11:30):

And it’s also a really brilliant toolkit then to use with your at home or your family, or even with your team. So say for example, me and my partner, my fiance is almost like who’s going to cook dinner that day. It depends a little bit on who has the most energy. So we, we would just say to each other, or I’m, I’m a six, my fiance might say he’s a four. And it might be that we make dinner together. It might be the, I make dinner at home that we got to take away. So it’s that awareness of what does it mean and how can you support yourself and others through that energy awareness? Um, so the school wants 10, those four different areas. So with the energy awareness as well, being aware of what are your offers and what your downers, so what, what lifts your energy, what helps you feel lighter?

Speaker 2 (12:14):

What gives you more just like that fuzzy excitable energy that can be people that can be projects that can be different types of work. That can be things you do outside of work. Um, so what lifts you, what gives you more energy? And then on the flip side of that, what are your energy downers or drainers? And again, that could be people, projects, meetings, and at home jobs that you feel that you need to do. So when you know those, you can then make a decision on how you manage them. So that first point is all about energy awareness and getting really, really in tune with how you’re feeling and what your energy is and doing that without being hard on yourself or blame yourself. And just be curious about it being an observer of your own energy point. Number two is really just to clear your heads and reset daily.

Speaker 2 (13:05):

So there’s a brilliant book that I love, um, which is all about just how to keep your energy high, to be creative. Uh, so the book is called the artist’s way. It’s written by a lady called Julia Cameron. And in that to help you stay creative, to help you stay high energy, and to have that clarity of thinking, to find those big solutions to things, um, she talks about this from a creative perspective, but very much applies from a leadership perspective as well. She just talks about clearing your head daily. So that can be as simple as get a blank sheet of paper and write down everything that’s on your mind. So if you think of your brain, almost like a computer and you have lots of tabs open, and you’re a little bit overwhelmed, there’s so much going on at home at work. It just feels a bit too much every day.

Speaker 2 (13:50):

Take some time to clear your head every day, take some time just to write out everything that’s going on for you and my overwhelm set on fire checklist actually takes you through that process anyway. So I really recommend downloading that so that you’ve got that hand and you can just print it out. Um, and just to use that every day. And actually there was some really interesting data that was result of an experiment that showed that when leaders took some time each day, just to write down how they were feeling, take some time for self-reflection write some positive, really take some type of positive self-reflection they had more energy. They felt like they had more impact through the day. They felt like they had more focus and they had some more drive and they just, they felt they just felt better from it. So they felt less depleted of energy and more engaged if they had that self-reflection time in the morning.

Speaker 2 (14:50):

So Judy Cameron talks about something called morning pages. Morning pages is simply you get a blank sheet of paper and just write down, you just write whatever is on your mind. Don’t need to worry about grammar, spelling, pros, anything like that. And you just write. So it’s almost just to empty, you had process. So you could just try that on for you and see how that works for you. Many of my clients do it, but they do it in their own way that works for them. And when you’ve also, when you’ve had, when you’ve gone through that empty and had process, you can also, and the opposite and the downers that it talks about for really energy awareness, you can also then just really find things that help you minimize decisions you need to make. So that could be something as simple as if you go into the office, what clothes are you going to wear and decided the night before it might be that you start getting some meals delivered to your house to help during the week.

Speaker 2 (15:39):

So you’re not having to cook. It might be that you get a cleaner, it might be that you have some help with God thing. Um, it might be that you employ a financial advisor to capture your day to day or even a personal system to do the day-to-day kind of life admin as I call it. So how can you, you’ve got that process to clear your head, but as you do that, see the things that keep coming up that keep worrying you that keep distracting you, the keep taking that energy and create a framework to lessen what is taking your energy from that make your day-to-day easier. So I’m a huge fan of Denise Duffield-Thomas and she talks about a keyless life. And this came from one day, she got back to her house. She was getting out the car, she had two children, she had a handbag, she had a million things in her hands and she couldn’t find her keys.

Speaker 2 (16:26):

And when she got to a key, she couldn’t then unlock the door about putting the baby down. And, and she just ended up sitting on the doorstep and crying and bringing her husband to let her in. Cause it just felt too much that day. It just felt like that was the last straw. So now she’s created what she calls a keyless life. So that can be as simple as having every room that you’re in a lot. And you spend a lot of time in the, maybe has a phone charger in there. So you’re not having to go and get a phone charger, bring it down. Oh, it could be that you, rather than having, um, I know for us, we’ve got, um, a car that actually, rather than a key having to go in addition, the key just has to be in the car, things like that, that just help you.

Speaker 2 (17:05):

So what are those tiny niggles everyday that take your energy and train you? And she talks about Denise, Phil Thomas talks about them as incremental upgrades. So what are your next incremental upgrades? What are the things that are just draining you of energy? Little bit by little bit. So is there a bank account you need to get a new bank card for is the, a direct debit that you need to set up? You know, all those kinds of things. So 0.2 is clear your head daily, but then make your day-to-day easier. Point. Number three is helping you to manage your energy is, think about your natural women. So we were all have our own natural rhythms. So my natural rhythm is I’m, uh, I’m just a morning person. So I used to run a gym. And when I ran my gym, which was really successful, I would be in from six o’clock and I would be running classes from six o’clock, three to 9:00 AM.

Speaker 2 (17:55):

Um, so that meant that I, I was a morning person and I had to be a morning person. But what I found since this I’m still, my energy is at its best during the morning. So not necessarily 6:00 AM anymore, but I do like to get up in the morning, get things done. And by the end of the afternoon from say three o’clock onwards, I just want to be done. So think about your natural rhythm and think about where are your highs and lows of your energy for the flow of a day. And the other way of looking at it is also to think about your monthly cycle and know, when are your times that you have loads of energy and one of the times that you just want you to just not to have lower energy okay. And allow yourself for the week. So I’ve adapted my week to fit with my energy because I start at the beginning of a week with higher energy than I do at the end of the week.

Speaker 2 (18:51):

So I only work half down a Friday. Now I genuinely finish around three or four o’clock through the week. Um, uh, my goal is so I’m working Monday to Wednesday and I work between 10 and two. That’s my goal. And that’s what I want to get to unless I’m delivering quiet work outside of that. So think about what are your natural rhythms and what your natural rhythms through a day and what your natural ruins for a week. And then what is your, what are your natural rhythms for a month as well? Um, and that really, again, then you’re being mindful and you’re being aware without necessarily blame yourself or being hard on yourself. So point number four is really thinking about building in time, just to stop and to rest. So you’re not always having to be on and you’re not always having to just keep going.

Speaker 2 (19:40):

And I think female leaders are very much. We just, we just were brilliant at just, I’m just going to keep going and not really knowing how to stop. And if we go back to how I started today’s podcast, talk about languishing. Sometimes that can be because we haven’t given ourselves permission to stop. And actually it’s really important to give yourself time to rest, give your time to self serve, relax, give your time, self time to reset. And I think I’ve mentioned this before, but actually it’s also important because if you’re constantly in doing mode and you’re constantly working, you’re not going to find those answers to the big solutions that, that big strategy that you need to put together. Isn’t going to naturally come to you. That challenging situation where a team member that you can at the moment, think about what to do about, it’s not, you’re not going to get the solution.

Speaker 2 (20:25):

You’re going to find the solution just in working more and working harder. So the brainwaves, when you’re working hard and you’re really busy or very high, and they’re very, they’re spiked together and there’s no room for the big idea. When you take time just to relax and rest and reset, your brainwaves are long and looping. So there is that opportunity for the, almost the subconsciously to work away at that problem and find the solution. So it’s really in your interest as a female leader to take that time, to rest and take that time to reset. And there’s a really brilliant article that is a Ted article about the seven types of rests every person needs. Um, and I’ll just mention what these are just so that you can remind yourself that actually is not always one type of rest. So first type of rest that we need is physical rest, which can be passive, which is like sleeping or napping.

Speaker 2 (21:17):

I’m a massive fan of numb napping and physical, active, physical rest means more restorative things where you’re still moving. So it might be yoga. It might be stretching or having a massage, um, and where your kind of your empowering to improve your body circulation and flexibility. The second type of rest is mental rest. So really thinking about how to give yourself, give yourself your brains home, to switch off and are you getting enough sleep? Are you getting enough breaks through the day? Are you allowing yourself to go from something huge and strategic and all you distract yourself, then it’s something that smaller and tactical, but really it’s, it’s recommended that you have short breaks every two hours throughout your work day. And especially if you’re on zoom a lot, cause that brings on another type of rest that we need, which is the first type of rice, which is sensory rest.

Speaker 2 (22:06):

So that’s being away from bright lights and computer screens, background noise and social media, and lots of different comp comes with conversations. So if you’re in the office or you’re on zoom calls, your senses can start to feel really overwhelmed. So unplugging from your electronics, putting your phone down at a certain time and evening, fourth type of rest is creative rest. And that’s really important for anyone who, you know, for any female leaders are having solved a lot of problems and create big new ideas. Um, it’s really getting reconnecting back to feeling the wander and all. So that could be going out into nature, appreciating a view, going to your favorite spot on the beach or the ways that you can have inspiration around your workspace. And it’s not, you don’t get creative by just spending 40 hours a week staring at the same surroundings.

Speaker 2 (22:53):

It’s really about that richness and that connection and getting back into nature. So next type of rest is emotional RAs. So this is really about having time and space, really just to say what you think and how you feel and put yourself first. And really the example of this would be someone was to say to you, how are you today? But you’re answering with a truthful what you’re actually thinking, what you’re feeling and rather than leaving things unsaid, you’re going and having those challenging conversations or emotional rest could also be just moving away, taking some time away from someone that just is draining or energy or weather doesn’t seem to be a solution to improving the relationship. Um, and the final type of rest is spiritual RAs, which is really about connecting, building the physical mental, and just feeling a real sense of contentment and feeling a real sense of just belonging and love and acceptance.

Speaker 2 (23:45):

And that’s where a lot of my clients get to is, is it’s not always for them about creating more. So when clients join me, it’s really about helping them over that over the time we work together to really engage in just an understand that they have a lot or they already want the I, the work that we do together really, really helps them to just be in the moment with it and have this deep appreciation of it. Um, and that can be practicing gratitude that can be, um, meditating. That can be just, you know, doing something amazing with your family, um, and just really reconnecting to your passions on your purses. And what’s important to you. So I really suggest we’ll put that article it’s over in the show notes, but go and have a read of that because it’s a great, great Oscar, um, point number five is really about just creating feel-good foundations for yourself to really help you manage your energy.

Speaker 2 (24:35):

So if you were to think of a week where you have great energy all through the week, what ne what are your feel good foundations to do that? So is it that you’re setting boundaries to finish work at a certain time? Is it that you’re taking out or meeting that is just at the completely the wrong time view? Cause that was the only time available. Is it that actually every day, you’re going to sit down and spend 10 minutes just clearing your head and just writing whatever’s on your mind. Is it that you’re going to spend five minutes at the end of the day preparing for the next day? So what are your feel good foundations? Is it drinking more water? Is it having really good food that helps you to feel energized and just in your own body as well? Think about your feel good foundations and commit to making them a focus and build on them one at a time.

Speaker 2 (25:17):

So you don’t need to just create all of them at once, but just let them build over time. Once you get one in place, um, we’ll talk about habits in another episode, but habit stacking would be then get that one in place and then build the next one. And the next one and the next one, and another thing within the feel-good foundations is also to create a Loveless. This is something I have, I get all my clients to do at the beginning. I Loveless is a list of things that you love doing that is purely for you on the things that you love doing should be energizing. So they should give you energy. They should help you to feel excited. They should help you to feel like you can’t wait to get up in the morning and go into that thing. That’s how you, that’s, how you know what they are.

Speaker 2 (25:53):

So think about creating a love list of things that you love doing, and then start booking a few of those things in your diary and commits them and honor that time. Like you would a meeting a board meeting because that’s how important it is. That’s how important you are. That’s how important is something that you love that gives you energy should be to you. So point number six is really to think about and start to recognize and own your needs and wants. And I see this with many female leaders that they put themselves at the bottom of their own priority list. Um, I might’ve said, told the story before, but I’ll just reiterate it here. I had a client when I first, very first started coaching when I had my gym business. Um, and I was doing some mental health coaching as well on, um, as part of what we offered.

Speaker 2 (26:37):

And I was talking to this particular lady about where she, where she put herself in the process, a family, and we went through the list. So our daughter came first. Yeah. Okay. Except I can accept that and understand that her husband came next. Yep. Okay. And then her work came next and then the house came next. Um, the housework and the things that needed doing then her family, then her friends, then her cat and then her. And she was so far at the bottom of her own priority list. She put herself below the cat, the cat’s that’s going to be fine and it’s going to be, get fed. And it’s going to be, it’s just going to survive. Cats just survive. Don’t they, they just have this innate sense of survival. And she put herself below the car. And that meant that she neglected her needs.

Speaker 2 (27:24):

She didn’t know what she wanted. And it was through our work together that she started to really, she started to ask her what she wanted, but she started to recognize what she needed. So where we got to is that she effectively created her own Maslow hierarchy of needs and it, and it was her hierarchy of needs. So Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It’s just us a way of understanding. It’s a diagram that helps you to understand what are your very basic survival needs all the way through to kind of the more aspirational, um, levels. And there’s, I think there’s seven different levels and you kind of move through them as you kind of your understanding. But what I love to help clients do is almost create their own level of needs their own muscle hierarchy of not only what they need, which they feel good foundations really, but also what they actually want in their life.

Speaker 2 (28:14):

And those needs needs being addressed helps give you energy because you support yourself. You nurture yourself, you care for yourself. You look after yourself and your wants are the things that you, your heart is drawing you into that are gonna give you energy that are gonna help me to feel inspired and excited, and that you have that purpose. And you have that passion. So think about creating your own Maslow’s hierarchy of needs for yourself. And the final point is really just to, just to know that you can support yourself with your energy and help yourself manage your energy every single day. And you don’t need to just, you don’t need to just accept that’s how your energy is for the day, but you can always do something to influence it. You can always do something to change your state, just change your energy. So have some things in your tool kit that almost instant energizers.

Speaker 2 (29:01):

So that could be, I know for me, putting on a really loud tune in the car is going to give me energy. So it’s a song that I love that I can sing tuna, sit on too. It’s going to give me energy. Or I know that spending time with my partner and having a silly conversation that makes us both laugh is going to give me energy. So have it in your toolkit, have three or four things that are your instant energizes that you can come back to, but also allow those times when you have lower energy and know the things to help you get back out of your, get back into that, that higher level of energy. So that’s it for this week. I would love to know what you think. I would really, really love to know how you’re going to start to really choose your energy.

Speaker 2 (29:44):

And what is the one thing that you’re going to be doing. So drop me an email. Let me know what is resonated with you this week, when you’re ready to start working with me and you want some more help with this, you can drop me an email and or if you’re ready to start now, but you want to have something to help clear your head every single day. Um, just download my overwhelm to on fire guide. And that will be something you can use every single day, but that’s it for today. I will see you on our next episode and thank you so much for joining me. Bye.