Nicola: [00:00:00] hello and welcome to the female leaders on fire podcast. And I am your host, I’m Nicola Buckley, and I am the coach working with women at the very top of organizations, helping them to find their fire. So that purpose, that passion, that excitement so they can have more. Impact and as a result, more. But do that without burning themselves out without giving more and more, and without having to be someone that they’re not.

So today I am really excited. So a couple of things today. So first of all, I’m in my new office. This is the first time that I’ve recorded my podcasts in the office as opposed to at home. So it means I don’t have any. Fucking, I don’t have any interruptions and I have this gorgeous view, our obituaries and yeah, so I have invested [00:01:00] in an office locally to me just to create more separation and, uh, it’s an, a beautiful, old converted.

I’ve got wooden beams, a beautiful in my, in the roof. And I just absolutely love it. And I’ve had some clients here just before Christmas as well, before I got poorly. And it was just so great to be able to see people face to face again. So I’m super excited for my office this year and I’ve got some chairs, so I’m going to have a seating area.

I’m going to have a reading area. Yeah. So this is my first podcast that we recorded from there as well. So I’m super excited for that today. And also it’s probably one of the first days I’ve actually felt better. Since hubbing COVID over Christmas. So if you have had a COVID related Christmas, I’m with you, if you’ve heard of people around you that have been poorly over Christmas, my heart goes to you.

Or if you’re suffering with some of the COVID hangover effects. Yeah. Just say I’m that we’ve used so massive brain fog, quite fevery quite headachy. Probably the first day to day of really started to feel better. So I [00:02:00] felt time to get back to my podcast and the things I love and talking about. Um, things I think are really important.

So today I’m going to be talking about how to ease yourself into 2022. So today I’m going to be covering how you might be feeling as we’re starting the. And why that is. And then I’m just going to give you five super simple tips that are going to help you to sit rather than feeling like you have to fly into the air and be at a hundred miles an hour.

How to ease yourself into the air. I have to take that pressure off and just giving you some really, really clear tips and a help. Rather than feeling that pressure of January, how can you ease yourself into the air? So it feels good to you. So that’s my intention and my goal for you today. So let’s start off with how you might be feeling and why.

So just from checking in with my clients and discussing with my clients and running workshops over the last week, or so a lot of women working at the very top of that very senior level ideations are really feeling the emotional load. They’re really feeling the. [00:03:00] It’s just been two years of constant change.

There’s a real emotional load, especially for my clients. Many of them are paths. Let’s talk about that another day, what that means and how to kind of manage that. But also for a lot of women, Christmas isn’t really arrest and you might have had a COVID related Christmas. You might’ve had to change pants quite quickly, but still wanted to do something great for your family.

Or you might just have been really, really poorly and it might’ve really affected you, or you might just have been the person that kind of bringing everything together. So just knowing who needs to be where and when making sure the right presence before. I’m making sure that there’s food on the day and it’s always far too much food in our house, for sure.

So Christmas doesn’t necessarily feel like that much of a rest for many women. And then if we look back at the last couple of years, um, we think about all the change that we’ve been through. So we’re nearly, it was March, 2020 that we first went into lockdown. So nearly two years into this on off pandemic [00:04:00] now locked down.

And just really, um, and vaccinations and everything that goes with that potentially for you homeschooling, potentially working from home now, or a bit of a hybrid of working from home and going into the office. So just to make your way, if you’re feeling tired, if you’re feeling like you’re just emotionally, it’s really happy for you at the moment, just to remind you just some neuroscience, I think might help you hear just the brain.

Actually really, really intensive user of energy. And that constant change means that you’re going to use more energy than ever. So the brain is having to constantly adapt to having to constantly find new ways to do things, having to constantly work out what’s the impact of change. And if the brain uses up to 50% of your energy, it’s that ongoing change.

It’s just like a lag effect of. Because the brain’s not used to so much change. The brain’s not used to, it loves prediction and response. It loves consistency. It loves to know the same. Thing’s going to happen over and over again. So if you’re feeling tired, if you’re feeling [00:05:00] overwhelmed, if you feel like you’ve had no rests, if you’re feeling like you’re emotionally loaded, you’ll just straight back onto the hand swell.

Maybe it’s spinning a bit overwhelming for you at the moment out into that. Then that pressure of January, we see it everywhere on a really, really HASIP that new year, new year. It’s almost like on the 1st of January, suddenly everything’s going to change you wake up and everything’s going to be different.

Or there’s just this pressure, this pressure that you, as you are all enough, which is never true. Anyway, maybe it’s a time of reflection. Yes. At the end of the year and a start of the year. But new year, new year. It’s just that to me, it’s just, that’s too much pressure. That’s too much. What is wrong with the old you, there was never anything wrong with the old you anyway.

So for me, it’s always about new year and just new opportunities and just, where do I want? Joe, how do I want to shake my air? And also in January, it’s that strange time yet? It feels the days are getting a little bit brighter and a little bit, I’m getting a little bit shorter. This is more sunlight, but they still feels like a really long [00:06:00] base.

It feels like the month is really, really slow in some ways maybe it’s get the payday. Yeah. It’s also really, really fast. And also that January pressure also leads into. Oh, my gosh. Another year has gone by another year where I haven’t got the promotion I wanted or another year where we didn’t buy the house that we wanted to, or another year where I think my relationship struggling or another year where I’m feeling like I’m continuing to prove myself.

So you then put all this pressure on yourself that this is my year. This is a year that everything changes, but really it’s the same, it’s the same things, but in a different year. So if you’re feeling all of these things at the moment, just know that this is perfectly natural. It’s perfectly normal. And. A couple of things, I would suggest that you read, or you have a look at the first one being a pulled pass from Brittany Brown.

And the podcasts that she has is called unlocking you. And there’s a podcast where she talks to a neuroscientist, David Idleman. I think I’ll check the name. I’ll [00:07:00] pop the link in the show notes. And that’s where he explains brilliantly. Well, how the brain, your brains are just exhausted from this constant change and adaption.

And always evolving faster than ever with everything that’s gone on. And we’re just kind of carrying that with us. Um, we’ve not really replenished enough. We’ve not had time to stop. We’ve not had time to really get to grips and kind of process everything that’s happened. So I’d really recommend that you listen to that podcast.

Um, the other thing that I would suggest you looking at, if you’re feeling some of these feelings and resonating with you, there was also a great article in the New York times about language. So, if you think about, you’re probably you’ve heard of that framework of just being a survival mode. So just getting through the very basics, maybe feeling quite stressed and anxious at the other end of the scale, you can be in really frightening mode, which is where you’re feeling very fulfilled.

You’re feeling like you’re on purpose. You’re feeling fit, healthy, strong, energized, um, but if firmly in the middle of those. [00:08:00] As something, something called languishing. And this was an article, a New York times article that went viral and it’s put together by a psychologist and that psychologist who has talked about the fact that with how the last two years have been, we’re actually sat firmly in the middle of that at the moment.

And work for a lot of us were in this feeling. And this framework of languishing and the languishing is we’re exhausted. We’re carrying a really heavy, emotional load. We’re feeling like we don’t have much energy. We’re not feeling very optimistic. Life is just feeling like it’s difficult. It’s feeling like it’s taking a lot of energy to do the day-to-day things.

It’s feeling like it’s just a bit math. It’s just a bit like, is this. And really we’re just going to keep going with this. So that asks just brilliantly takes you through while you might be feeling like that and the effects of the pandemic. And the effects of all the lockdowns and all the changes that we’ve been through.

So I really suggest that you read that and also listen to our podcast and Brittany routes around the neuroscience of what’s going on from a brain perspective for the [00:09:00] last couple of years. So this is might how you might be feeling and why you might be feeling it. And if you are feeling like that, just be kind to yourself, just know that you’re not alone, know that you’re all okay to feel like that.

And I did, um, a workshop with my pause and passion plan. Which is my 90 day planning framework at the middle of December. And out of that workshop, these are HR directors. They have big roles, big responsibilities, really, really incredible women and men. And they’ve been really at the forefront of just helping organizations manage through the pandemic.

But as a result of that, they’re feeling really exhausted. It was really, it was really just humbling to see them take some time for themselves and to be able to look back and recognize, and really appreciate themselves for everything that they’ve done through the air, rather than just always looking forward to the next thing.

And maybe being in very active mode, trying to support the organization. Rather than being in that most strategic mode around development and planning what’s coming next. But the [00:10:00] words that came out when they were, when we’re looking at planning 20, 22 with them, the words that came out when they were thinking about setting an intention for the hours, I want to be calm.

I want to feel content. I want to be more in the now. So just know that how you’re feeling. It’s absolutely natural and normal, and it’s just, just where you are at the moment. And that’s all. Okay. So do, be kind to yourself, do be compassionate with yourself. Take that pressure off of it. Being January with new year’s resolutions and new year new you, and just focusing on you and have to do that.

So let’s start with five super simple tips that are going to help you to ease into 2020. So you might want to grab a pen and a pad, write these down, but these are ways of going from feeling like that, just to actually getting some clarity, but not putting all that pressure on yourself and feeling like you need to do everything now.

So tip number one is really just empty your head. First of all. So before you try to look forwards, let’s just help you just empty your head of some of the things that [00:11:00] might be on your mind. So a lot of my clients at the moment, just feeling like it’s really overwhelming. There’s so much on their mind.

This, everything that’s gone on at home is everything that’s going on at work feeling under lots of pressure. And that just have really, really busy brains. There’s a lot of noise. There’s a lot of conflicting priorities, and there’s a lot of guilt with that spending time at work versus time at home. And all of that just becomes this big gray swirly mass.

It feels really overwhelming and too much to deal with. So where I would suggest that you start, and this is a tool that you can use whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed is just to empty your. And the most simple way to do that is to grab a blank sheet of paper and just write down everything that’s on your mind and keep writing and keep writing until there’s nothing more.

So think of it. It’s like a mental vomit. Um, think of it as a, just tipping your head onto a piece of paper. So it’s almost like we’re taking a dust pan and brush to your brain and we’re going to clear out everything. That’s. And the brilliant thing [00:12:00] about writing is when you write you process everything twice you process, as you’ll bring it together in your mind to write.

And then also you process as you you’re reading it back to yourself as you’re writing. So that tipping your head or that mental vomit is really going to help you to clear your head. And don’t worry about spelling. Don’t worry about it being neat. Don’t worry about it. Making sense. So more about grammar pros, anything like that.

It’s literally just a process to go through and how I would describe this, how I described this, the client is if you’re feeling overwhelmed, your brain is like a computer that has far too many tabs open. Bad today, but some days I could have far too many tabs open. And when you have too many tabs open and competer, it just slows down the processing.

So it’s less efficient, less effective. So what we’re doing here, we’re taking all those tabs. We’re looking at what they are by writing them down, and then we’re going to start to close some of them. So you can start to close some of them, them by putting them into your diary for future date, um, you could look to [00:13:00] delegate to your team.

You could look to delegate to some help at home, whether that’s your partner, whether that’s a cleaner or God. Or just whatever support you need, but just start with that. Start with that empty your head, start without mental vomit and that’s something to do. Anytime you feel overwhelmed, just thought that before you get into doing mode, before you start to take things off your, to do less, start with this on a popper link in the show notes to my worksheet, that takes you through the exact.

Because there’s some more steps then to look at future, to look at past, to look at what’s true. What’s not true stories. You might be telling yourself and really just get back to the things that are really important to hear now. So that’s tip number one, tip number two. So rather than setting a new year’s resolution, we all know that 80% of those are forgotten within the first.

And it’s just that pressure and it feels like I have to choose something and it might not feel very connected to your heart. Very exciting. Just set an intention for the year. Just set something that [00:14:00] feels good for you. So that could be, I’ll get my clients when we’re thinking about this within the pause and passion plan, just to think about headline or hashtag.

So for me this year, a lot of it will be around ease and simplicity. Making memories. And that’s what I want this year to be about. With getting married with, obviously changed my business last year. And now seeing that to really seeing that really start to develop and bring some present results. That’s my intention this year to make everything simple, to make everything easier and just to be in the moment more.

So think about what would your intention be? So if you could just pay. It’s a framework that’s used a lot, but it’s, it’s a little bit cheesy maybe, but a word of the ages, think of an intention. Think of a feeling that you want to fail. Think about last year and what, what didn’t work for you. And actually, how can you what’s the antidote to it this year?

So, like I said, for the HR directors, I worked. And that, um, that goal setting workshop for them, a lot of it was a lot of [00:15:00] their words were I’m feeling calm, feeling content, be more in the moment. So set that as an intention and just then think about what are the things that are going to help you to get there.

So, third tip then is to really think about your feel-good foundation. So to ease yourself into the air, you probably got really busy already. You probably already have a dire. That’s really big. We’ll probably, we’ll say trying to maybe have a bit of a health, healthcare, focus more on, um, exercise and creating a routine and eating better.

That’s all great. But think about your very, very basics. So if you just think of your own Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. So if you don’t know that structure is just, I’m a psychologist, it’s Gav restructure. It was a psychologist called Maslow and he put together a hierarchy of needs. So it starts off evolve.

Very, very basics. And then the final one is self-actualization, which is around feeling fulfilled, feeling on purpose. So you can’t get to those top levels if you don’t have the basics in place. So I actually get each of my clients over time to create their own hierarchy of needs. [00:16:00] And what we start with at the bottom are the feel-good foundations.

So it’s that around getting to bed by 10:00 PM and having eight hours sleep. Is that drinking more and more to everything? Is that going out and walking and getting fresh air every day. Is that checking in with yourself every morning and journaling something. Is that starting with a couple of exercise sessions a week?

Is that actually at work, I’m going to have lunch with one of my peers every week, or I’m going to book with my mentor every month. So think about what your feel, good foundations, what are the foundations are going to help you to feel good through the entire rest of the year and make them really, really basic.

And there’s, um, a really great book around habit building by James Claire, that’s called atomic habits. So I talk more about that in a moment. But feel good. Foundations can start with the very basics, set yourself up to win and just improve where you are. It doesn’t need to be all or nothing. It doesn’t need to be, do it perfectly or north at all.

Just [00:17:00] build a way you are. And I talk a lot to my clients. My clients have women at the very top. They’re very ambitious. They’re very driven. And sometimes that can lead to an all or nothing mentality. So where we start is helping them to build habits and just build good fat, those feel good foundations, but based on what.

So, for example, if you’re starting to exercise more at this time of year, brilliant, that’s great. But rather than start with five times a week, start with twice a week, start with what, you know, you can commit to what you know that you have in the bike and the feel good foundation. So exactly. Yeah. Does this, it says on the 10.

So what are your feel? Good foundations? What are the things consistent in your week that are going to help you to feel really good and list them out and then pick two or three, put them in your diary. Simple as that. So that’s my third tip. My fourth tip then is round habit. So what habits do you think you need to create to really support those feel?

Good foundations. So habits are, um, they can be [00:18:00] positive or they can be negative, but they’re essentially just a repeated process that we have in our life. That creates prediction risks. So habits are incredibly powerful because from a brain perspective, the brain loves prediction response. It loves the same things happening over and over again because it knows that we’re safe.

So habits are incredibly powerful from a brain perspective and habits can be negative as well. So just a repeated pattern behavior that you’ve got into, um, it could be a word or a person that triggers you to feel a certain way. So just think about what the habits that you want to set to really support you with those feel-good foundations and just pick a couple and two really brilliant frameworks that were.

The IUs were clients. So one is around the neuroscience of habits and change, and that’s a acronym of ARR. So a I R so when you go to set up a new habit as stands for first, we’ll have awareness of how. [00:19:00] So I think we need to do a whole separate show on habits. So I’m going to run through this quickly now.

So awareness of the habits. So what triggers it? What’s the environment? How are you feeling? What’s the story that’s playing out for you? Is there a situation of sickly happens in or a person that is happens with, so just really develop your awareness of it and find out where it’s happening and why. And again, this can be positive or negative second step, then I is intention.

So set an intention. It’s bigger than that happened. So, for example, if we go back to that example of exercise, it’s a really simple one. What’s the bigger intention there. What’s that intention that connects your heart, that gets you excited. That is really, really important to you. So with your exercise is that that you want to be a fitter stronger mum is that, that you want to be more energetic.

At work is that, that you want to complete a challenge this year, like climbing a mountain. So think about what is that bigger intention and just really connect into the feeling and how it feels in your heart. Why it’s [00:20:00] important to. And then all is just set some reps. So how can you make sure that you’re repeating that habit?

How can you make sure that you keep reminding yourself of that habit and you keep repeating it. And James Claire’s atomic habits is brilliant for this. Cause it talks also about habits attaching to other habits. So if you’ve got, if you make a cup of tea every morning, or a cup of coffee, for example, is at a point where you could then take that on your walk and you go out from there is that, that you could do 10 squats whilst you’re waiting for the kettle to boil, you know, those sorts of things.

So how can you attach that habit? Or could you remind yourself of what you’re grateful for that day whilst you’re brushing your teeth? It’s a great way. It’s cause it habits stacking. And then James Claire also talks about, so that’s the acronym ARR, so awareness, intention, repetition, and another really simple framework that I love as well from James Clara gang is the three RS of habits.

So reminder, routine and reward. [00:21:00] So reminder, how are you going to remind yourself? So you’re going to pick reminders in your diary. Are you going to have a post-it note up somewhere to remind you? So how are you going to remind yourself of this whole. Or is that just literally having a habit tracker where you tick off that you’ve completed that habit for the day routine, how to create it and make it part of your routine.

It’s just something that you do. And, you know, there’s this research that it takes up to 21 days to create a habit, but actually it depends on the emotional attachment to it. It depends on the level of repetition. It depends on a lot of different things. That’s not necessarily true, but how are you going to build this into your team?

How can I make it part of what you do and then finding rewards? So if you’ve done, if you’ve. Completed this habit every day for a week. How are you going to reward yourself? How are you going to recognize that you’ve done it? And obviously that creates a really positive response from a neuroscience point of view.

That’s just going to build and. It’s a feel good that feel good feeling is what the brain is going to search for when you next, complete a week of that habit again. So the reminder, the routine and [00:22:00] reward, and then the final tip to ease yourself back into this year. It’s just ready to think about your pace.

Pace is something that I talk a lot too with my clients, because it’s something that’s not really talked about yet. It’s incredibly powerful to think about that, your pace of life and what we use. It’s just a really simple framework. One to attack. So, where do you feel that your pace is at the moment? One to 10, with 10 being?

I can’t keep up with just dizzying and zero. It’s just nothing’s happening, which just no client of mine ever. And then think about the pace you want to get to. So if you’re at nine and you want to get to a seven, what changes are going to help you to take it down? Those two steps what’s going to help you to get there and you own your pace.

You set your pace, your pace is down to you. So if you’re feeling overly busy, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, if you’re feeling like it’s making you feel anxious too much, go back to your. What is my pace right now? Well, do I want it to be, how can I [00:23:00] plus one or minus one? Because the brain doesn’t like changes too fast.

So just think about a couple of changes. It’s going to add a point or take a point off, but really start to own your pace. Don’t feel the pace is a January paces, a million miles an hour. If your pace in January is I’m going to ease myself back in that. If you feel really energized and ready to go a hundred miles an hour is great.

If you feel like, actually I just need some more rest. I’m just going to get through the day, but I’m really going to support myself through January. That’s great as well. And it, all of those are okay. You own your pace and you set your. And it’s really, really powerful just to do that weekly checking with what’s my pace this week.

How’s it feeling for me? What do I want it to be? And just to really, really own it. And it’s something that isn’t talked about enough, I think to really is incredibly powerful to think about your pace and to own your. So that’s, it really that’s everything I wanted to cover. So just a quick recap, if you’re feeling at the moment, you’ll fit carrying a bit of an emotionally heavy load.

If you like, you haven’t really [00:24:00] had a rest at Christmas straight back on the hubs. Well, it’s feeling overwhelming feeling that pressure of January new year, new you, those five tips. So first will empty your head. Second of all, set a clear intention and a feeling that think about those feel good foundations, put those in place first, get back to basics.

For what the habits that will support that. And then number five, think about your pace. So that’s it for today. Today has resonated with you. I would love to hear from you. If you’re interested in working with me, drop me a message@nyclaatnicholasschoolco.com or the details of how to contact me on show notes.

And if you need some help, ease yourself into 2022, drop me a message and we can chat about the different ways. Okay. And that’s it for today. Thanks so much. Bye. If what I talk about really resonates with you and you love what I have to say, and you have moments and flashes of inspiration from the podcast.

I would invite you to get in touch, to find out how I can [00:25:00] help you. So individually, that can be through my coaching focus. For my VIP program, depending on how you like to learn and what will suit you, or I can help you in your organization to really help the women that you work with across the organization at all different levels.

And at that very senior level to really feel empowered and to know that they can reach the very, the most senior levels in that organization and to give them the. In who they are and the clarity, what they want to be able to get there. And we do that through workshops, do that through leadership programs, and we can do that.

Free consulting work. If you are looking for help with any of that, drop me an email nycla@nicholasschoolco.com. The spelling’s not the easiest. So all the details were in the show notes results I get for clients. Clients have been promoted twice in the six months we’ve worked together. They’d been invited to join the board.

They’ve gone from redundancy to being offered three dreams. They’ve gone from being pushed out of an organization to going into bigger organization and a bigger role with a bigger pay rise [00:26:00] and just a quote from a client that particular. I’ve gone from the pit of despair. When I started working with Nick to just being really fucking happy and she is an incredibly empowered leader.

Now, if you’re not quite ready for that, you can download my overwhelmed on fire guide the details that are in the show notes, but that really helps you everyday to stay in your fire. So it helps you to clear your head, helps you to come back to what’s important to you, and it helps you to have that most impact and influence every single day.

It’s a little Quip sheet that you can just go through and take that. So go and download that. Or you can subscribe to my newsletter, which comes out every Friday, which is a Roundup of the week. Really. So what’s going on in my world. What’s a blog for that week, a quick video, that’s going to help your particular subject.

And it’s all about helping female leaders to find their fire and also stats and, and any research from the industry as well. And things that I’m reading the. Um, recommendations that we’re making. So go and subscribe to that. And finally, for the podcast, if you [00:27:00] haven’t done so already, I would love you to go and leave us a review and subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

And you’re always going to have the, when that release and doing that as well. Not only helps you, but it also means that we’re going to reach more women and we’re going to be able to start that revolution to helping female leaders to keep that. I find that fire and keep it. So keep that passion, that purpose side excitement.

So if you haven’t done that already, please go and do that. Thank you.