Nicola: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to Women at the Top of Telecoms and Tech. I am your host. I am Nicholas Corco, and I am the coach who works with organizations to help recruit, retain, and develop women to help them. Have more women at the very top of their organization. So help the women that are already at that most senior level, but also future talent, um, and also putting in place, um, changes to create a more inclusive culture as part of that as well.

Nicola: So welcome to the show today. Um, if you are a new listener, uh, really big welcome and thank you for, uh, stumbling across us and coming to join us today. If you are someone who’s listed for a while, we would really, really appreciate it if you could share the podcast with people, colleagues, peers, friends, family, you think it would help, [00:01:00] or if you could leave us a review or if you could subscribe, and all of that helps us to grow our audience and reach more people that.

Nicola: So any of that is really, really appreciated. So today I’m gonna be talking about, um, resetting boundaries. Um, and this is a big, big subject and something that I struggled with in the past and can still find challenging now, but I put a post on LinkedIn, created a poll, and this was the one that came out top out of four different subjects.

Nicola: Um, and it actually, it came out the top by 10, 15%. This obviously really, really resonated with a lot of my audience. So I wanted to really focus in on today, and we actually have a previous episode that focuses on boundaries and saying no, but we’re gonna go into more detail today about how to reset boundaries.

Nicola: So this is really for you today. If you’re someone that. It is just giving [00:02:00] so much of yourself to your work that there’s no time for anything else. Um, this is for you if you have whatever your version of Presentism look like, looks like. So that might be starting really early. That might be finishing really late.

Nicola: That might be always having a work phone on you. Um, that might be allowing yourself to be an all day meetings. Never having any time for your work, um, or this is for you if you are finding it hard to say no, if you’re finding it hard to push back. Um, and we’re gonna help you today just to reset those boundaries.

Nicola: So start to think of it as you are reclaiming. Your time and your energy and your expertise so that you are demonstrating more of your value and worth. Um, and that’s the biggest thing I want you to leave with today, is this message that boundaries reflect your value and your worth. So what do I mean by that?

Nicola: Every time that you set a boundary of a time that you’re gonna finish, Every time [00:03:00] you say to a meeting that you don’t have to be in, um, every time you say no to work that comes into you and your team, that is actually a little bit outside of what you do. Every time you do those things and you are pushing back and you are saying, no, you are demonstrating your value and your worth, you’re saying, no, my time is worth more.

Nicola: No, my, that’s not my team’s expertise. No. I don’t need to be in that meeting my time. Better spend somewhere else. No, I do need to be at home because my family are very important to me. So that’s the biggest message I want to leave with you today. . It’s just really about every time you reset a boundary, um, you are demonstrating your value and your worth.

Nicola: So what we’re gonna go through today, just a quick, um, conversation and introduction to what boundaries are. Um, then the five types of, uh, boundaries. So just to get you thinking. Um, and then we’re gonna just go into [00:04:00] five steps to help you, um, really reset your. And also just covering why, why is it so hard?

Nicola: Why are boundaries feel always a bit of a challenging subject? Why is it something that when you put a pole up that it always, it comes up? Um, again. And a gang. And a gang. Um, and if you are someone that struggles with it, just know that you are, you are certainly not alone. This podcast. Is produced by the podcast boutique and the podcast boutique have been absolutely invaluable for me in helping take my fuzzy headed concept, develop the plan of what it was gonna be, what the podcast was gonna be, create a launch plan that then put us in the top 10 charts on launch week.

Nicola: And then also they just put together the editing. They get it ready to launch. Uh, so it means each week you get to listened to a new, very well edited, put together episode, and they are the experts and they help you to really develop your podcast so that you can [00:05:00] have more downloads, you can reach more people, and serve your audience by really creating relevant subjects for right now.

Nicola: So I really, really recommend. It’s great to have someone on your side, um, and they’re absolute experts in this area, so you can contact them at www.thepodcastboutique.com. And that’s also in the show notes. Thanks for listening.

Nicola: So let’s start off with what boundaries actually mean. So boundaries are where you set a clear limit, where there’s a clear rule on something that you are not willing to negotiate on. There’s a, there’s a hard stop on something for you. And it’s, it’s really about that, that clarification. And I love the quote from Breen Brown, which is, clarity is kind, and lack of clarity is unkind.

Nicola: So think of yourself as you’re setting boundaries and thinking about boundaries as we go through today. How can you be kinder to yourself and others by being really clear on your boundaries? And there’s five, there’s probably more [00:06:00] than this, but, um, just from doing some research, there’s five types of boundaries to think about today.

Nicola: So there’s emotional boundaries. So what are you willing to accept? How are you feeling? Um, so how’s someone treating you? How’s someone making you feel? How are you reacting with them? So really those emotional boundaries, physical boundaries. So, um, from. Point of view of your own personal space. So how close to you are you someone that’s tactile, but also physical as in just how you, how you prefer your environments to be.

Nicola: Um, and do you like a lot of personal space? You like timed yourself, um, verbal. How do you want to be spoken to? What are you not willing to accept? What, what words really create a reaction for you? Um, if to talks over you in a meeting or someone talks down to you, what are your, what are your boundaries there?

Nicola: Um, material boundaries that can be around money or that can be around possessions. So for example, someone if, um, your other half borrows your car a lot, for example. And then [00:07:00] intellectual boundaries. So if you have, um, a discussion and becomes a bit of a debate and a more heated discussion, just allowing what your boundaries around someone.

Nicola: Not agreeing with you and what’s the process? So five different types of boundaries. Um, and why do women in particular, why do we, why do we struggle so much with boundaries? Why has this come up as a subject to cover? again. Um, and like I said, if you, if you struggle with boundaries, you’re certainly not alone with it.

Nicola: So why, why is it so difficult for women, especially women who are at that leadership’s positions? Why is it so hard to set boundaries and to say no? So first of all, the big one that always comes up when I work with clients is around feeling guilty. So feeling guilty around saying no, feeling guilty about making someone else, not doing something for someone else.

Nicola: And this goes back to. Childhood beliefs. And the framework just around, um, even wanting to be the nice girl or just not wanting [00:08:00] to be any trouble or just wanting to fit in. Um, and we’re kind of, again, we, we raised as women to kind of be polite, be respectful of others, please everyone else first look a certain way, play by the rules, don’t step outside of that.

Nicola: Um, and never, I’ve seen, never, ever complain because that’s not attractive. You just, you sound like someone who’s whinging. You’re being negative. So we’ve really, we’ve learned to sacrifice our own needs and wellbeing for others. To avoid that sense of being selfish. And selfish becomes a really loaded word.

Nicola: Um, and heaven forbid we ever hurt anyone’s feelings or we say no because that’s just us being difficult. So there’s that guilty feeling and the guilt between, especially for uh, women. In leadership positions who have family as well, that flip flop of guilt between, um, feeling guilty about work and not doing enough there, versus feeling guilty about home and missing out on things for your family, not seeing your children as much as you want, not being able to switch off.

Nicola: So yeah, that’s a huge one to start with. Uh, feeling guilty. Um, fear is saying no, no [00:09:00] is a complete sentence. , you don’t need to justify everything, but there’s a real fear of saying no. Um, because we, we feel like we’re letting other people down. We feel like we’re being selfish, pitting our own needs first.

Nicola: Um, and actually what I find when I’m coaching women is for some, some clients, we actually, we practice saying no. Together. We practice them saying no confidently, um, in a way where they own. And in a way where there’s not, it’s not an invitation to justify why they’re saying no. Um, because that word coming outta your mouth no, is, it’s a really difficult one and it can get stuck in your throat very easily.

Nicola: Um, and for some of my clients, just that practice is saying no because they haven’t done it much because they’re scared of it, because they, they internalize what it makes them mean about themselves. So feel free to practice if you find it hard to say no. Number three, it’s really just around letting others down so that fear that you’re gonna let other people down so that worry about how you’re gonna make someone feel that you’re gonna [00:10:00] make life more difficult for them.

Nicola: But heaven, heaven forbid that you, you say no and you actually pick yourself first. Um, and just that sense that we need to please everyone else and we need to pick ourselves so far down the bottom of priority. There’s no time or energy or anything left for us. Um, and that fear of letting others down, whereas actually.

Nicola: When you start to set boundaries, when you start to say no and you reset boundaries, um, you are demonstrating in role modeling that you can be a woman that knows your value and worth. So just think of it in a slightly different way. Um, number four, also, it can affect how you’ll seem. So it can affect how you see yourself, and you can internalize that, that saying no, that resetting boundary that you are a bad person, that you’re awkward, that you’re being difficult, what will they think about you?

Nicola: Um, and actually just some new neuroscience. Support this, um, women. A three different parts of the brain and [00:11:00] women have a bigger part of the brain, or proportionally the mammalian part of the brain, which is the social part of the brain, which looks at where you fit in a social hierarchy. Um, what do people think of me?

Nicola: He said, she said, it kind of drives all of that awareness of where do I fit? Um, what do people thinking me? How am I viewed? , it’s actually proportionally bigger in women. So it means we are overly focused on what other people think of us compared to men, and it’s just hardwired into all of us. So if you all like that and you worry about, someone said something on an email and you’ve interpreted it in a really negative way, or you feel like you’ve spoken out of turn and you’ve upset someone.

Nicola: So really when you’re resetting boundaries, it can really, it can be a challenge to how you feel about yourself. So really just again, just really challenge those that as yourself. Is it true? And also how you’re seen by others. So could it be that you’re then labeled as negative? You are labeled as difficult.

Nicola: You are labeled as someone who’s challenging. But actually you are just, you are role modeling. It’s okay to say no. You are role [00:12:00] modeling. You are resetting boundaries. and other reasons why you might not, um, you might struggle with saying no, it’s almost like a, a fomo. So that kind of curiosity of if I’m not in this thing, if I don’t say yes to this project, um, if I don’t, um, go out tonight, if I don’t see my friends, I’m gonna miss out on something.

Nicola: But setting boundaries does not always mean say no to others, but can often mean saying no to ourselves. So just think about when you’re saying no to something, who are you saying no? And also. The final reason, which I think is a really strong one, are two final reasons. One is you almost denying yourself pleasure.

Nicola: So you’re so focused on work, you pit work as a priority. You don’t necessarily have that balance in life. You just, I have to work so I can’t see my friends. I can’t spend time with my family. Um, I’m not gonna spend time with my partner. And we just. I don’t have time and we make, make endless excuses. Yet work is always gonna be busy.

Nicola: It’s always gonna [00:13:00] be a priority. It’s always gonna be something we wanna do well in, but actually, if we just give so much ourselves, we end up burning ourselves out. We’re not gonna be out to be that person. We want to be in work anyway. So boundaries are also self-care boundaries are also prioritizing yourself.

Nicola: Um, and the final one is just not asking for help and just that want to be, and I see this in a lot of my clients, almost a hyper independent, um, and a need to just only rely on themselves. Um, almost the point of Marty, almost the point of sacrificing what they need because they’re so focused on everyone else.

Nicola: Um, we know that we can, we’re incredibly capable. We know that we. We can do a lot. We can handle a lot. That’s how we’ve got to very senior positions and why we’re leaders, but. On the flip side of that, the most important way to be there for ourselves is knowing when to ask for help, and actually knowing when to ask for help and doing it before the absolute need is kicked in, and you’re maybe on the floor with [00:14:00] burnout, or you’re maybe struggling with anxiety or you’re feeling so under pressure, you’re hating going to work.

Nicola: Ask him help before you get there is an incredibly powerful thing, and it shows that you have a real level of self-awareness. So those are some of the reasons. And Steve, I would love to know which ones resonate with you? Um, just around why it’s so difficult, um, to reset those boundaries and to say no.

Nicola: And when we’re talking specific about resetting boundaries, it’s just that fear of reaction for people. So say for example, if you’ve, Really been very present in work and you’re working really long hours and you are the first to respond to emails. You’re the first to accept meetings. You are someone that everyone goes to because you’re generally, you’re gonna be there and you’re gonna know the answer, and then you reset so that you finish by say, 6:00 PM.

Nicola: Um, and that reset might just, it might be inconvenient to other people. It might not suit them anymore. It might be just make things difficult, more difficult for other people. But actually you are honoring yourself. You are [00:15:00] prioritizing yourself and you are role modeling that you have value, that you have worth.

Nicola: And what are tend to find when clients, when they, when they reset boundaries, , the reaction from other people if their negative tend to be the people that have benefited from you not having those boundaries. So let me just say that again. So when you reset boundaries, do expect some reactions. Do expect some pushback because those are probably from people that have benefited from you from not setting boundaries before.

Nicola: So know and trust in yourself that this is really important for you, and actually in a day or week, it’s not something anyone’s gonna think. So, um, and I also just wanted to, uh, share two scenarios from clients over the last few months just around resetting boundaries. So nothing specific, um, in terms of identifying them, but just so that, just to work through two scenarios from clients where we’ve really talked about resetting boundaries.

Nicola: Um, so the first one was a client that was, giving a huge amount to her work. Um, [00:16:00] she was in a new role, so she was working, she was in the same organization though, so she’d been promoted internally. She was in a bigger role. Um, and she had some very, very high expectations for herself. Um, and she was also, it is a brand new to the business role, so she was kind of working out and scoping exactly what the role meant and what it could deliver on, and just how to work with different areas of the.

Nicola: So for her, what that led to is she let go of a lot of the things she loved outside of work. She let go of her, some of her passions that were gardening, that were walking, that were spending time with her partner so that she could be in work and she could be giving so much to her work. So that would mean long hours.

Nicola: So not necessarily an early start, but she would be working up to nine, 10 o’clock at night. Gap in the morning. Get into work or get online and then do it again. Um, and at some, uh, weekends as well, just on a Sunday to give herself a bit of a headstart. So that meant that there was a view that she was always gonna be there.

Nicola: She was someone that everyone came to with a lot of [00:17:00] questions because she was always available cuz she always had the answer. So it almost created this scenario that she made, he. So easily available that it was just an expectation that she would be there. So when we kind of went through her day, we went through her daily structure and her weekly structure.

Nicola: When we kind of thought forward as well to what impact this was gonna have on her and where she was at the end of last year, she was at a point where she was feeling burnt out. She was at the point where she was feeling very reactive. She was at the point where she was feeling frustrated more than ever when things weren’t getting done and all these heightened emotions were because she hadn’t set those boundaries.

Nicola: Because she was getting to the point of exhaustion because emotionally she was very reactive cuz she was so tired. Um, and just frustrated because things weren’t going at the pace. No one was working at her pace and doing the hours she was doing. So it just meant that no one was matching that. So she felt everyone else was slower than her.

Nicola: So when we went through and we started to reset boundaries for her day in her week, we just started with some really simple ones of [00:18:00] what time to what time she wanted to start work and be available. So she’s not an early morning person, so it was gonna be a certain time, and then also a little bit time to get herself, um, get started.

Nicola: Um, get comfortable for the day, answer some emails, and then get into the day. And at that point, she would be available for questions at that point, she’d be available for her team. And then also a clear time of finishing work as well. Um, and once a once a week setting a date night with her partner. So that’s scenario number one.

Nicola: And we’ve just, we’ve just recently put that in place. And there’s already benefits. She’s already feeling more energized. She’s already spending more time at home. Um, she’s already starting to rediscover those passions that she loved and that balance means she’s become a better leader. Um, she’s role modeling to her team that you can have more balance.

Nicola: She’s role modeling and demonstrated to her peers and a well senior team that she has real value and worth, that her role isn’t everything. It’s not her whole identity. So that’s number one. The second scenario I wanted [00:19:00] to talk about is, um, a client of mine who is just changing jobs at the moment. She, um, stepped away from a job she was in for certain reasons, and now she’s, um, looking for her next role.

Nicola: Um, this is a lady who sound an incredible career. She’s very, very senior. Within her industry. She’s a very, well, it’s a very well-known name and very respected. The amount of experience she had is just incredible. So, but she has certain, with her family, there’s certain things. She needs availability, she needs certain times available so she can support her family.

Nicola: Um, and she needs to have a framework for, to support her family and her sons going to school and being in, um, exams and just being there for. So she’s already at the point where she’s being offered potential roles and she, cuz she’s incredible and just really excited. But also when we were, when we were considering what sort of roles and the scope of the role and the responsibility she wants to, the level she wants to work at.

Nicola: Um, we also considering [00:20:00] what she wants, um, her workdays look like. So that really leading on to that shaping. are, what are her boundaries? What’s really important to her? What are her non-negotiables? What time does she want to finish work? Does she want to finish early on a Friday? Does she want true hybrid working?

Nicola: She wants to make it very, very clear that actually if her, if her son’s really need her, that’s her priority and that’s what she’ll be looking for. That’s kind of like her package that she wants to have. That’s her framework and her list of ingredients for being the best of her in that role. Um, and it’s incredibly important that we, part of the discussion that she.

Nicola: When she’s thinking about what roles to accept and what not to, so, and for her, you know, there was still that fear of can I ask for these things? Can I actually say that? Can I be that clear? But if we go back to the quote I mentioned at the very beginning from Bre Brown, clarity is kind, lack of clarity is unkind.

Nicola: And that’s yourself, and that’s also for your team and for others. So she’s got, [00:21:00] we’re getting helping her find that absolute clarity to be very clear on what will work for her, to have that balance and to be able to support her family so she can have this brilliant, amazing next step in her. So I just thought those two scenarios really, really helped kind of just help you think about where you might move your boundaries right now.

Nicola: So let’s get into then five steps to help you reset your boundaries and again, just iterating. The main point of the podcast today is really every time you reset a boundary, you are demonstrating your value and your worth. And let’s just play through the scenario. If you, if you have, let your boundaries, If you are not saying no, if you’re taking on more and more, where does that lead to?

Nicola: That leads to not having that balance outside of work because you’re too exhausted and you don’t have the time to spend with your family to indulge in the things you’re passionate about. So that leads to work becoming your whole identity. So that leads to more pressure and expectation that you pick [00:22:00] on yourself.

Nicola: That leads to working longer and longer hours. That leads to an expectation that you are just always gonna be available to do. So that’s a road to burnout. That’s a road to you. Almost destroying your career over time and having to really shape your boundaries. Then at a time when you have no choice, because you’re exhausted, because you’re struggling with anxiety, um, because you’re signed off work, um, feeling unwell cause you need a mental health, um, check in.

Nicola: So just think about this and where it leads to if you don’t have your boundaries in place and come back to that main message of boundaries of really you demonstrating your value and your worth to everyone around. So how do we do this? How do you reset those boundaries? So let’s start at the beginning.

Nicola: So number one is how to identify the boundaries and where you need to say no. So, This is really about listening, listening to your feelings, and let your feelings leading you. I’m a huge, huge proponent of this with my clients. I [00:23:00] always talk about feelings first, and feelings first is really you being present with what is coming up for you.

Nicola: So that, what are you aware of that you’re feeling about, um, a particular thing, a relationship, um, and checking in with your body. So for example, frustration, anger. Something that feels really heavy is often a sign that your boundaries are being crossed. And we physically and emotionally feel when things are not right and let that guide you.

Nicola: Um, if something is feeling, you are feeling angry, you’re feeling resentful is a huge one. If you’re feeling like something’s really heavy, it’s most, more, most likely a boundary needs to be set. So really, really follow your feeling. So if there’s, um, a meeting you’re going into, you don’t really feel like you need to be there, just feel like you’re paying lip service something.

Nicola: Just really challenge it and know that you can say no if you’re feeling frustrated in a particular relationship. Do you give too much yourself? Are you giving too much support, [00:24:00] too much time to that person? And if so, what boundary can you set? Resentment tends to be that we’re just, we’re overgiving, so we’re giving so much for ourselves that we’re starting to resent it.

Nicola: Um, and that’s a huge clue as well. So think about letting your feelings lead you to where boundaries need to be set and getting really clear on that. And you can start today, start right now with thinking about two or three places where you think your boundaries have been crossed and you need to re reset them.

Nicola: So number two is about resetting boundaries. So what I want you to think about is really that resetting boundaries is a bit of a course correct. So for you it’s likely to feel awkward. It’s likely to feel uncomfortable, it’s likely to feel strange. Um, it’s likely to feel way out your comfort zone. And that’s okay because we’re going through this course correction, we’re getting you back to where you need to be.

Nicola: We’re helping you reclaim your time, your energy, your expertise. And if you’re not used to doing that, it is gonna feel out [00:25:00] the comfort zone and strange and uncomfortable. And also on the flip side of that, resetting boundaries, you might well get, expect some reactions from other people. Expect people to feel uncomfortable, to feel challenged, to feel disappointed.

Nicola: And that’s with them. That’s not with you. Like I said, the bigger reactions for people are likely to be from people that have benefited from you not having boundaries before. So just take some time, um, and just sit with yourself as you go for the reset and trust yourself and know that this is important.

Nicola: You’re doing this to role model. You’re doing this so that you’ve got more time and energy. You’re doing this to be a better leader. Number three is take a step at a time. So set yourself off for success. If you, for example, you are setting a boundary that is, um, looking at the times that you start and finish work, the working day.

Nicola: You don’t need to come, if you’re working longer hours and more into the evening, it might be too much change too quickly to come and finish at five [00:26:00] o’clock. So you might start by saying, I’ve got, I’m, I’m going to start wrapping things up at six. I’m gonna be completely finished by six 30. Take a step at a time.

Nicola: The brain doesn’t like change. That is too large. The brain has a fear of change. That is too much too soon. So what does that mean? It means that actually if you just take small steps forward, if you start to bring the boundaries back to where you want them to be, the brain is much more comfortable with change that is slow, that is steady, that is consistent.

Nicola: So try not to overcommit yourself. Don’t put the pressure and heavy expectations on, um, but just take a step at a time. So for example, like I said, rather than finishing a five every day, come back to. Start finishing at six, but actually finish everything by six 30. That’s step number three. Step number four is just think about really creating a community.

Nicola: Let the right people in who can support you. So the people who, who you love, the people that you respect, the people that [00:27:00] you trust, let them in and be on your team and be there for you when you need it. So that might be a peer that you. You accountable to finishing work by six 30. That’s someone that you at home that is gonna help you set a boundary saying no to a certain person.

Nicola: Um, and just really think about. Who’s around you that can support you at work and at home with resetting those boundaries with saying no. So, for example, if it was a boundary around resetting what your team are delivering on, um, there’s been a few areas that are gray, areas that fall between two teams.

Nicola: Again, clarity’s kind, um, and then communicating. And that is the next point. Um, step number five is really around communication as well. So communicating when you set a boundary, when you’ve reset something, being very clear, clarity’s kind. Um, being very, very clear with the people that impacts other teams or areas that things are gonna change for.

Nicola: And just being really, really clear [00:28:00] on that. Uh, and then number five is, uh, just really think about if you need to role, if you, if you’re struggling to do this for yourself, you’re struggling to reset boundaries for yourself. , that’s okay. And it will come over time. Start with the small steps and build from there.

Nicola: But the other way you can think about it, just reframe, um, reframe setting boundaries and reframe that actually every time you demonstrate, every time you set a boundary, you are role modeling to those around you, your team that are looking up to you, your peers are looking across you. Um, your role modeling.

Nicola: Someone who can, who knows their value and worth, that is not scared of saying no, that’s not scared of resetting their boundaries. Um, so do it for others around you. So think of organizations need more women at the top. They need more female leaders. So you role modeling boundaries and saying No, it’s just gonna be a real inspiration to those around you, and it’s going to make sure that you.

Nicola: [00:29:00] Stay energized in your role. You can stay focused in your role, you can deliver, but you can also do the extra parts that women, women leaders do around speaking up for diversity, driving more parity, driving positive change. So if you can’t do it for yourself, role model and do it for others. So you’ve got that longevity.

Nicola: Um, you’ve got that resilience when things aren’t going how you want ’em to. Um, and then the final one, number six, is just celebrate. So when you’ve put in place, when you’ve reset a boundary, um, when you’ve said no to something that is outside, it’s been outside your comfort zone, but you’ve done it, just celebrate.

Nicola: Just recognize that you’ve done something that’s brilliant for yourself. Recognize that you’ve demonstrated to the world your value and your worth. So let’s just remind you of those. So number one is follow your feelings. So what in your life feels and work feels heavy? Where is the re resentment? Where is the frustration?

Nicola: Uh, number two is reset. So know that of [00:30:00] course this is a course correction, so know that if you might feel uncomfortable, it might feel awkward, it might feel strange. Um, and for others it might be a. But the ones that react most are the ones that benefit if you not having those boundaries. Number three is take a step at a time.

Nicola: So try not to overcommit yourself. Just start with something simple. Start with something that you know that you can commit to. Start with something that you can say yes to, that you know can fit in your time and in your diary. And you will build from there. And small steps lead to big changes. Number four is then around, um, number three, sorry, is around support.

Nicola: So who’s in your corner there to support you? Who can, who can, who can you be accountable to or who can give you a nudge when you need it? Um, and then number four is around communication, communicating the change to others and being very, very clear. . Then number five is if you can’t do it for yourself, role model, think of role modeling, reframe as you’re doing it for those around you.

Nicola: So you have more [00:31:00] energy, you have more resilience, and you are an even more impactful female leader. And then number six is celebrate. So really celebrate when you’ve gone through this. Some of the tough stuff, some of the gray, gray bits of, uh, just getting that work life balance and celebrate and just know that you’ve done something great for yourself, but you’re also role modeling something really important to.

Nicola: you’re kind of giving others permission to work less or, so think of it like this. Um, just what, what behaviors do you want to see from your. In terms of how much they give to their work in terms of when they’re working and role model that back for them, um, and celebrate that, recognize it. Um, and a couple of extra things to help you.

Nicola: So I’m gonna, um, put a link in the show notes to a worksheet that I have on Brave Boundaries. So that’s gonna help you to identify them. It’s gonna help you to start to put them in place and start the process of resetting those boundaries and saying, Um, so you can work through that. And also I highly recommend, um, Glenn and Doyle on Tame [00:32:00] because a lot of the reasons why women struggle with setting boundaries, understanding no goes back to our childhood, goes back to the societal framework that we live within and the expectations that are on us as women versus expectations on men.

Nicola: So, I don’t wanna get into all of that today. That’s a huge subject in itself. But do go and have a read of Glen and Dolan and Tamed, or listen to her podcast and understand how you might be affected by those frameworks and the societal expectations of how women are and how, how we should behave. Um, so that’s it for today.

Nicola: Resetting boundaries. I hope this has been really helpful. I’d love to know how you get on. So do drop me an email. All my details are the show notes or connect with me on LinkedIn. Um, and it’s just if this is something you’re struggling with, do drop me a message and find out more about my one-to-one coaching, or if you see a lot of this in your organization, um, book a call with me to find out how I can help women in your organization.

Nicola: That’s it for today and I will speak [00:33:00] to you, um, on the next podcast. Thanks. Bye.

Nicola: Hi, it’s Nick here. I just wanna take a moment just to say thank you for listening when I’m sat recording the podcast in the deepest steps of Cornall. It’s incredible to think that it’s reaching women across the world in 30 different countries, and we have thousands of downloads a month. So thank you so much for being part of that and being part of the audience means the world to me.

Nicola: But I do want to grow this audience. I would love you to help me reach more women like you. So that we can really drive positive change in the corporate world. So you can do that one of three ways. First of all, you can subscribe to the podcast. You never miss an episode. It’s always a new episode’s, always delivered straight to your inbox.

Nicola: You can review the podcast and leave us a rating, and the more ratings we have, we also go up in the podcast charts. And finally, you can just share a favorite podcast with a peer, with a colleague, or on your social media. So I would love you to do that. Thank you for all [00:34:00] your help. And I can’t wait for what’s.