Speaker 1 (00:00):

[inaudible]

Speaker 2 (00:14):

Um, welcome to the female leaders on fire podcast. The podcast for women lead in, in the corporate world who are a force for good. I want to make a real difference whilst having more impact, more influence on income as a result. I’m your host, Nicholas [inaudible]. And today I’m going to be talking all about

Speaker 3 (00:33):

Imposter syndrome. This is something that comes up so often. It was something that I just had to talk about in a whole episode, it comes up for clients at whatever level they are in their career. And it’s just something that can be incredibly, incredibly debilitating. And really for me at the heart of that at the heart of this today is really about helping you to understand that you are always going to feel like an imposter when you’re not being yourself. When you are trying to fit in. When you’re trying to please others, when you are being who you think you need to be to succeed and to be noticed, to be recognized when you’ve adapted so much to the culture, when you’ve lost the hard edges of who you are, when you’re actually in that mode of pin on that mask and pretending, and just thinking about who you need to be rather than who you actually are.

Speaker 3 (01:23):

You’re always going to feel like an imposter. And I don’t say that to scare you or to worry you. I say that to really invite you, to listen to today with a different perspective on imposter syndrome, because being able to step past that feeling of being an imposter is really all about coming home to who you are. It’s all about finding your fire and your passion and your purpose, and rather than being who you think you need to be seed actually being who you are to succeed. So the main lessons from from day today are really, first of all, talking about what imposter syndrome actually is and what are the symptoms and where did it come from? Where is it first talked about what the symptoms, how are you going to feel feeling how many of us experienced it, which is kind of mind blowing, why it tends to be more prevalent in female leaders, the tree for that imposter syndrome.

Speaker 3 (02:12):

And then I’m going to give you some top tips to help you to start to move past feeling like an imposter. So I’m super excited for today because even in setting up this podcast, even in really stepping into only being a leadership coach and really knowing, I love working with female leaders, change makers that are making a difference that have this power to really impact the business they’re working within. I had that sense of being an imposter. Absolutely. And I would also invite you to think about that their feelings have been imposter also just our, is it imposter syndrome or is it just that you’re doing something new? Is it just that you’re doing something different? Is it that you’re just in a bit of a gross spot and there’s a growing pain because you’re doing something that’s new to you and it’s okay to feel like that you’re once a baby that didn’t know how to walk and you weren’t a stupid baby because you couldn’t walk.

Speaker 3 (03:04):

You just, you’ve learned to walk when you learn to walk. So I’d really invite you today to just think about this from a different perspective. And really today is how you identify that it’s about you knowing yourself first becoming the world-leading authority in who you are. So knowing your values, knowing your beliefs, knowing your story, making sure that your language is supporting you and owning your magic and your expertise and your brilliance, and just using all of that, to know that you don’t need to feel like an imposter anymore. So let’s get started at the very beginning. So let’s start by just really, what does imposter syndrome actually mean? And where does it come from? Why is actually a thing? So imposter syndrome is that sense of being found out that sense that you don’t really deserve the success that you have, or that you’ve maybe flute debt, or you’ve just been lucky getting to where you are and where you are and the results that you’ve achieved and the role that you have.

Speaker 3 (04:03):

Isn’t really down short efforts and skills it’s actually down to, maybe you think it’s luck, or maybe you think you’re in the right place at the right time, or you just happen to be in the right position. And if you haven’t heard of imposter syndrome, it’s really when high achieving leaders and individuals have externally this brilliant life and this obvious objective success. So have this great job. They have this brilliant career that really respected and recognized in the industry. They have this great lifestyle that goes along with everything that they’ve done yet. They failed to really own those accomplishments. They fail to really own our know that they’re worthy of their success. So that leads to this kind of constant fire that pops up around just this self-doubt and this fear of being exposed of being found out that you’re a fraud or that you’re an imposter, or you don’t deserve to be where you are.

Speaker 3 (04:58):

And it’s not actually a recognized psychiatric disorder. And it’s talked about a lot in articles. It’s talked about a lot in relation to coaching, and it’s actually something that comes up more often in mental health or schools, most other subjects. And it’s something that is persistently there for many, many people. And I know that I’ve worked with many, many clients where imposter syndrome really, really holds them back. It’s actually a term that was first used in the 1970s with Susanna EMAs and Pauline rose Clance they first kind of coined that concept of feeling like an impostor. And it was a Richie fought to apply mostly to women. But since then, it’s been really recognized as more widely experienced by men and by women, but consistently by high achieving people that have this external success that have these great careers are already in a really strong leadership position, but they have these people on owning that.

Speaker 3 (05:52):

Um, it’s not really a condition, it’s not a syndrome, but for me, it’s, it’s self doubt showing up when you’re stepping in something new when you’re stretching and growing to really own that new role to own that board level role. When you’ve been invited into a new area of the business, or to set up a new area of the business, or you’ve got this brilliant promotion, it’s really, self-doubt showing up nibbling at your heels and again, be gentle with yourself because it’s just, you’re stepping into something new and actually over a lifetime, 92% of us, would you believe we’ll experience imposter syndrome at some point and 75% of women, of all women in the world of work and in the corporate world, I’ve experienced it at some point. So if you feel the symptoms, if you, if you feel at times that you just feel like you’re going to be found out, feel like a fraud, who am I to do this?

Speaker 3 (06:45):

Know that you’re not alone. The vast majority of people feel this and they feel the symptoms. What are the actual symptoms of imposter syndrome? It’s that self doubt? You know, when you might feel a bit anxious, when you feel like you just don’t have that confidence in that presentation or in speaking up, that means that you have an inability and a lack of being able to really assess your own competence and your own skills. You downplay everything. You don’t take compliments. Well, you attribute your success to external factors like luck, or you just happened to get on well with a boss or your face just fitted. You overanalyze your performance and you put yourself down and you have this real fear that you won’t live up to. Your expectations of those were actually the highest expectations to live up to. You are very much your own.

Speaker 3 (07:31):

So you keep pushing, you keep hustling, you keep working, which leads to almost overachieving and over-delivering, but at times you’re going to get so burned out that you almost end up sabotaging your success because you don’t feel you’re worthy of it. So you almost do something to bring yourself back down and to make yourself smaller. And you also set yourself mile high, challenging goals, and you feel broken hide, and you just berate yourself when you don’t hit them yet. They were never really real in the first place. Who’s done that. You’ve set yourself this huge, challenging goal, and I’m all for light. I’m all for challenging. I’m all for really stretching yourself and growing and developing. But when you do it to such an extent that it’s just not possible, it was never possible. And you feel disappointed as a result, even though you’ve probably achieved so much, that’s all part of this feeling like an imposter.

Speaker 3 (08:23):

So I had a client that I worked with on and off for very long time, actually. And she was a sales director and she was in a very male dominated industry. Um, for her, she, part of the reason she came to work with me is because she always felt like an imposter. So in this very male dominated part of the business, working within sales, she felt like she had to behave a certain way. She felt like she couldn’t really be herself. She felt like she couldn’t show that she was vulnerable, that she was feeling that she was an empathetic leader. She didn’t feel she could show qualities or that she was actually incredibly funny and not this amazing sense of humor that destru people in. And she had this resilience and energy that was just constantly there because she did look after herself, but she always felt like an imposter because she was never herself.

Speaker 3 (09:12):

And I remember the, a particular coaching call that we were on when she realized this and just that simple light bulb, but incredibly powerful realization that she’s been pretending to be someone else for so long that she felt like an imposter because she was not being herself. She spent years trying to fit in. She spout spent years trying to be one of the lots spent years trying to be take on that powerful persona, those more alpha qualities. And actually for her, that wasn’t who she was, that she lost those hard edges of herself. And when we started to help her really identify who she was and then become more of a self at work, she felt less and less imposter. And she, at one point she did a huge presentation to the whole business. When you, when we could actually meet, oh, it would have huge, huge corporate meetings.

Speaker 3 (10:07):

And she was funny. She was vulnerable. She was empathetic. She encouraged everyone to speak up and just be part of the conversation. And she had the most powerful and impactful presentation that day. And she was blown away by the comments and feedback and support she got all because she’d gone through that process of really knowing herself and understanding herself. And then that meant she could show up as herself and speak up as herself and shake things up in her business as herself. So she had, there was nowhere for that. There was no imposter there instead of who am I not to, or who am I to do this? It suddenly became, who am I not to do this? And it was that shift for her away, from that questioning and that judgmental, who am I to do this and that self-doubt to who am I not to do this?

Speaker 3 (10:55):

Who am I not to create this incredible role model? Who am I not to be a powerful female leader? Who am I not to lead as myself? And that shift away from who am I to do this to who am I not see incredibly, incredibly powerful that imposter syndrome seems to be really prevalent amongst female leaders. I see it day in, day out with the clients I work with and it can be incredibly, incredibly debilitating and keep, keep you small, keep you stuck and keep you where you are. So why is that? Why is it such a struggle for female leaders? Why do they really, really find it hard to just get past feeling like an imposter? So the first reason I think there is, is that there’s just this lack of role models, especially in more male dominated areas, more and more male dominated businesses.

Speaker 3 (11:40):

It’s really hard to be what you can’t see if you don’t have those role models, if you don’t have those powerful women that are inspiring, that demonstrating that a role modeling how it is to be a powerful female leader leading as yourself, leading with heart and purpose, feeling on fire, it’s really difficult to then step onto your own path to do that because there isn’t those role models. So that’s one part of it and actually the businesses and the corporations that I now work with more and more part of what we work in is empowering the women. But the other part of what we work on is very much around the cultural shift, making sure the women that are being gifted, these skills to really understand themselves and own who they are, know who they are then also given, uh, uh, uh, more support within the structure to really become those role models.

Speaker 3 (12:31):

So that it’s not only is other the role models at the top end of the leadership model, but also with those that are inspiring aspiring to be the future leaders. So, and also to join the business at those ranks and work their way up because there’s those role models at every level. So that’s the first point I want to mention. The second point is that there’s still very much this alpha style leadership is absolutely a huge shift and change, which is demonstrated by the brilliant work that Brittany Brown does. If you haven’t listened to her podcast dare to lead. Um, after you’ve listened, it’s this one and every single episode, I’m really go to that where she talks about this difference between daring and armored leadership and that daring leadership is being vulnerable, is being empathetic, is being open to learn and having that close care and connection for your team and your people around you and leading and all going towards that same point and gold together, rather than that more armored version of leadership, which is a more alpha style of, I know where we’re going and follow me, it’s including everyone.

Speaker 3 (13:33):

And that alpha style of leadership, which is more really about the knowing and the certainty and the not wanting to be seen as weak or vulnerable for fear of people not listening to you or taken advantage of you and being that almost assertive into kind of aggressive at times. And again, I’m not, I don’t want to go into kind of gender stereotypes here, but just that, that more, if you talk about that daring solid leadership versus that more armored style of leadership where you have to be right, and you’re leading the way and you don’t want to be questioned. And that is what is still role model. And you can see it in the stats. You can see it in the sex of women at a high level of organizations, the numbers are still really low and within fortune 500 companies for every woman, woman that is a leader and a CEO of the organization is another 14 that are men.

Speaker 3 (14:18):

And we still have a long way to go. The third reason why that imposter syndrome seems to be so prevalent in female leaders is that fear of being judged. So we talked about this last time, but that fear of what will people say? Well, I fit in, will I be okay? Will I be safe? Will I be still respected? Will I still be recognized? Or am I just going to be judged and actually being myself and that fear of being judged really comes down to our two biggest fears we have as human. The Tony Robbins talks about, which is our fear of being alone or fear that we’re not lovable. And just if we are to be truly and show up complete as ourselves, is that danger that we’re going to be left alone and we’re not going to be loved. And again, if you go back to the nearest science behind that, that mammalian part of the brain, which is bigger in women that we talked about in a previous show where we’re talking about boundaries and saying, no, that is bigger in women.

Speaker 3 (15:09):

So therefore we are all hardwired Cabo Bible. People think about us, we’re hard-wired and designed to worry more about being judged and what will people say and what will they think of me? So there’s that fear of being judged if we’re to be ourselves and then finding a gang of those, those childhood beliefs into creep in every week when we talk about something, but just that sense of really women just, we need to fit in. We need to tow the line we need. Who am I to be too loud, too bossy, too much. I know for me, when I was growing up, my granddad said to me, which has a huge impact on me for a long time little girls to be seen and not hers and those childhood, her beliefs and the evidence that we saw most of really the frameworks that we still live.

Speaker 3 (15:51):

We still live by every day. Um, I’ll do a whole episode on beliefs at some point, but even now, as, as a woman, as this incredible career, as a woman, who’s a leader that sets sets the direction for whole business, still at your heart. You’ll still have that framework of beliefs that are from when you were childhood. So it’s almost like your you’re showing up as a female leader, but you’re showing up wearing that Mickey mouse jumper that you used to wear from your chart. It doesn’t match. It’s not for, it’s not, it doesn’t fit with who you are anymore. So just those beliefs, just what is going on for you. And what are those beliefs from your childhood that just really set that framework of who you are right now. So what is the truth? The tree fears, you are always going to feel like an imposter until you become yourself until you show up at work until you speak up at work, until you shake things up at work as yourself at the very heart of what you do day in, day out, you will always feel like an imposter because you’re not being yourself.

Speaker 3 (16:52):

Once you get past that and you can be yourself and you show up and you speak up and you shake things up as you, you really stepping into owning your expertise, you’re stepping into owning your value, your role, modeling your value in your work day in, day out. And you not going to feel like an imposter. There’s no room to feel like an impostor anymore because you’re so busy being a force for good as yourself. You’re so busy, inspiring, and leading others by speaking up by challenging, by questioning things and shaking things up. So the tree fish it’s on you, this on you to stop feeling like an imposter. Stop asking yourself, who am I? Who am I to do this? And instead, who am I not to? This is all we’ve you, which is scary, but brilliant. So my invitation to you today is to really, to start to own who you are.

Speaker 3 (17:42):

So what are the steps to start to this? How can you start to step away from that imposter syndrome and that feeling, that anxiety, that worry self-doubt. So step one is all about learning you. And that might sound like really basic thing, but it’s hugely, hugely powerful and important. If you’re going to find your fire and you’re going to lead us who you truly are with your heart and purpose at the center of how you lead and your style of leadership, you need to become the world’s leading expert in who you are. If you don’t do that, no one else is going to, and if you don’t make the time and connect yourself, you’re always going to be led externally rather than internally. So step one, it’s all about learning you. So take some time. If it feels right, that’s good. Write down in a journal, ask yourself daily.

Speaker 3 (18:29):

How do I feel today? What is going on for me? What do I need? Stay? I’m really stressed. Connect back to yourself and take that time. Because learning you start say, you can start in a really simple way just without day questions yourself. Even if you’re not writing it down, how am I feeling today? What’s going on for me today? What do I need today? And as you start shift and change and create more time for you, you can then go into doing the deeper work, which is work at the heart of what I do. My clients around values. Yeah. Story, language, and magic. So that’s step number one. Step. Number two is all about knowing that when you feel that feeling of self doubt, when you feel that worry and anxiety, you’re stepping into something bigger, something more Boulder is really just, it’s simply a growing pain is simply a sign that you’re doing something new.

Speaker 3 (19:17):

It’s a sign that you’re growing. So you remember when you growing up and you had a bit of a gross spur, you probably felt some of those growing pains. And it’s the same thing. And actually, why not? Instead of being worried and fear and having that doubt, why not? Instead of think of the excitement, why don’t set, think about how this is you growing into purpose and feeling that passion, because you can see those growing pains into ways. You can either see as exciting, or you can see it as scary. And it’s really down to you, what perspective you take because symptoms of that fear, fear, and excitement are exactly the same. So your, your excitement and your passion is the same as if you were having that self doubt, worry and anxiety. It’s just depends what you name it and what you leave at it.

Speaker 3 (20:02):

So take those growing pains. No, that it’s a really positive sign. Know that you’re stepping into something and support yourself through that step. Number three, exactly what is said, but just building on it, fear and excitement are the same thing. So when I did my coaching diploma, I had a brilliant lady that I loved working with and being coached by and coaching. And she used, took bouts. This idea of something being scare, sighting, scary and exciting, but physiologically fear and excitement are the same thing in your body, the physical symptoms. It just depends again, what you’re labeling it and what your name in it. So know that fear and excitement is okay, hate to feel that is perfectly human. It’s perfectly normal. You’re human, who’s living truly and consciously and deeply. And you’re through all of these changes to become something more, become an even more powerful leader.

Speaker 3 (20:52):

Step number four is all about you knowing that being you is enough. And so many female leaders that I work with just struggled with this feeling of being enough. I think we could have talk about that in a whole podcast on its own, but really getting to know you as you’re learning you. And as you becoming the world’s leading authority in you, you’ll start to see that that’s you being yourself is enough. You showing up, speaking up and shaking things up as who you are and leading from your heart with purpose. That is you being enough. You’re here with a purpose. You’re here with a reason and you knowing what that is that makes you enough and trust it and know it. And step number five is all about when you’re going through this journey, when you’re going through this self-discovery journey, when you’re growing and your creating those Koreans, taking those big steps to have be the leader that you want to be and get to the level that you know, that you can, and that you deserve lead with that curiosity lead with care and connection for people around you and that Brittany Brown model of leadership, that is more about that daring style of leadership that is about learning over knowing that it’s about care and connection over just dictating.

Speaker 3 (22:04):

It is about curiosity over my way or no way. Um, and just lead with that, your heart and trust and know that that will inspire the people around you and all of those combined into just helping you become such a world-leading expert in you that there’s no room for imposter syndrome. So summary quick summary, before we finished a pasta syndrome, it’s not really a thing. There’s this lie of imposter syndrome. It’s not really a thing. It’s a sign that you’re growing. It’s a sign that you’re learning and developing is simply a growing pain. And it’s really part of your journey to show up, to speak up and shake things up as you become the leader that you want to be. So lead it in that leaving that imposter syndrome pine starts with learning you. It starts with knowing that these are simply growing pains, owner, fear and excitement. No, that being used enough and leading with that curiosity, care and connection. So that’s it for today. If you’re interested in working with me, drop me a message on my LinkedIn profile. And also if you would like some more help immediately, you can download my five steps from overwhelmed on fire, my free guide. And I will see you on the next podcast where we going to be talking about

Speaker 2 (23:19):

Is the corporate world. It’s still a man’s world and what can we do to change it? So I’m going to absolutely love that episode. Hope you found today useful, and I’ll speak to you soon.

Speaker 1 (23:29):

Bye [inaudible].