Hello, and welcome to today’s podcast, I am your host, I am Nicholas gorko. I am the coach who works with organisations to help more women get to those very senior roles so that they can help create a more inclusive, safe and fair culture. So welcome to today’s episode, if you are new listener, a huge welcome, I’m so delighted that you found us, if you’ve been listening for some time, welcome back. And I would just really, really invite you all to either share with a colleague or appear a podcast episode you think might help them, I would love you to also review and rate the podcast and all of that combined really helps us to reach more women in organisations, and get them the help and support that they need when they need it. So I really would invite you to do that, because that’s the best way that you can help me I love the fact that I sit in this my beautiful office in Cornwall, recording these, and it goes out all over the world. But I would love to reach more and more people. And know that this is really at the heart of what I do is really helping organisations create those safe and fair, inclusive cultures by getting more women into those meet most senior roles. So the more people that know, the more that we can work with, the more that we can help them or that we can support the more impact that we can have. So today’s podcast, I’m going to be talking about something very, very dear to my heart, which I’ll explain in a moment. But we’re going to be talking about why empathy is a leadership a superpower. So empathy, for me is a huge, a huge part of my life. And it’s a critical human skill. It’s an absolute gift of being able to live a very rich and a very deep experience in your life, helping us to create real deep connections with people and also demonstrate that we care and that we understand those working around us. And this is more important than ever, given what we’ve gone through over the last two or three years. And that rapid change that was enforced by lock downs, and by the COVID-19. And then the Black Lives Matter movement. And now that we’re in a cost of living crisis, and just really the pressure that organisations are under. For me, empathy is not just a nice to have any more empathy for you, as a leader is a superpower is something that’s going to help stand you apart. It’s something that can really help you to build a culture that is safe and fair, and inclusive, that people are wanting the best talent are going to want to join and your employees and one’s going to stay and go that extra mile for you. So just to start off with, I am a word geek. And I like to start off with a dictionary definition. So empathy, if we just look in a dictionary, empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. So what does it really mean is almost the ability to sense other people’s emotions. And really with that, the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or they might be feeling so the ability to kind of step into their shoes. And there’s kind of three, three stages of empathy. So the first one being cognitive empathy, so being aware of the emotional state of another person, the next one, that is emotional empathy is engaging with and sharing those emotions. And then the third thing being compassionate empathy, so taking action to support others, and I think for me, just my journey with empathy. I, I am a huge empath. So I, I walk into a room and I can sense emotions, I can sense what’s going on for people and feelings and words that are coming up for them. So for me, empathy is just it’s part of who I am and being an empath it’s, it’s an a sensitive person is a bit of a double edged sword because it’s a it’s an absolute blessing. But it can also be a bit of a curse at times because I feel so deeply. I feel so much for people. I can get distracted by other people’s feelings and lose a sense of focus on what I need, and almost become selfish to the point of not thinking enough about myself. So I know for me in corporate world if you’re someone that recognises I’ll go through some of the ways that you can understand in a moment how you might be an empath. But if you’re someone that feels things really deeply and is sensitive, to know that actually, it’s okay to be like that. So

 

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Okay to care about your team, it’s okay to have that sense of what other people might be thinking or might be feeling. And for me my story of kind of being an empath, so when I was growing up, I cried et I cried so hard that I might, people around my mum asked if I was okay. And I couldn’t see people in all my Teddy’s want in my bed because I’m worried about the ones that weren’t. In men at university, I lost my voice a little bit. Because there was so many, just so much, so many feelings going on and so much to think about so many new things, I kind of doubted myself. And I was always putting other people firmus. And in relationships, probably up until my relationship now, I felt like everyone else came first I wanted to, I wanted to save and rescue people because I want them to feel good. And then in the corporate world, which is probably most relevant, I was labelled and given feedback quite often that I was oversensitive, that I was overly emotional that I was too much, that if I was crying that I should go and take a minute to sort myself out. And when I was really passionate, it was perceived as not just assertive, but potentially aggressive. And now in my own business, I’ve learned to support myself more with my emotions and really develop my intuition. That is part of being an empath. And it’s it has become a bit of a superpower for me. But one that sometimes, if my husband’s having a difficult day, I just absorb all these feelings like a sponge. So I think the common theme was for me as an empath. I felt wrong being me, I felt like I never really fitted in. I was always trying to change who I was fitting, and it was exhausting. And it was confusing. I felt like I never quite had the impact that I wanted to. So if you’re someone who’s sat there listening, thinking, I might be an empath, we’ll go through in a moment, just what that might look like. But I just want to focus first more on just really What does empathy look like in an organisation. So empathy is linked with having effective teams working together, more loyalty, reduce stress, increase morale, and motivation, inclusive attitudes at work, so just understanding people wanting to understand them. And also knowing it is a skill that can be cultivated and developed. So if you’re not a person who’s naturally empathetic, and a sensitive person, know that it’s a skill set that can be developed. And actually, it’s something that you can become more of a master at over time. And knowing that it’s a skill through which we, as humans, recognise, understand, show concern and relate to each other.

 

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Through just really that sense of how you’re feeling, but putting yourself into the shoes of other people. And then on the flip side, that’s it. That’s what empathy is. Empathy is not having pity and feeling sorry for someone, or only doing something to alleviate another person’s pain. That’s compassion, assuming the other person should react to situations based on how you will respond, think or feel, that’s just us trying of imposing our view of the world on someone else. Empathy is not accepting bad behaviour, while trying to understand their feelings or experiences. If someone’s getting frustrated that you’re asking questions to know, get a sense of what’s going on. For them. Empathy isn’t solving problems for them, or empathy as well isn’t a burden on time or energy. So just from an organisation perspective, empathy is one of the most important factors in creating a really positive, inclusive culture. Again, some stats, so 93% of employees reported, they’re more likely to stay with an empathetic employer, and 85% of employees report increase empathy results, from strategies and ways to improve on inclusion and diversity at work. So these are incredibly linked. So we’ll come back to organisations and how to kind of think about building a culture of empathy in a moment. But what I want to focus on now is just really for you to think about what are some symptoms of you potentially being an empath? What are the what are the ways you’re going to recognise that you might be an empath, and actually I want to start with just a an example. And a great example of a leader who is also an empath. And that is just in there, Dan, the Prime Minister of New Zealand who’s just resigned. And actually even the way she resigned showed, showed, again, that empathy and understanding because she didn’t feel that she had the energy to do the role at the level that she wanted to. And just a quote from her one of the questions I’ve faced over the years, so I’m not aggressive enough or assertive enough, or maybe somehow because I’m empathetic, it means I’m weak. I totally rebel against that. I refuse to believe you cannot be compassionate and strong. And she showed that in the way she’s led her country through, through COVID through just huge, huge events of that country. So a volcano explosion and natural disaster

 

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After a mass shooting, so just the way she’s led that, that country has been through having that empathy, but being very strong with it, it’s not like you have to be strong or empathic, or empathetic. So let’s just have a think. So what are the symptoms? So we’ve described the dictionary definition, my definition would be your A you as an empath, your emotional lightning rod for feeling all the feelings. So just have a thing? Do you walk into a room and sense other people’s emotions? Do you can you feel very, very down? Depending on how people around you are feeling? Do you tend to be able to read the room and make sense the feelings that aren’t actually spoken? So what are the symptoms? How do you know that potentially on an empath, so it might be that you can read the emotion and room and sense feelings before they’re even spoken, you might have a sudden flood of emotions and confusing that doesn’t make sense. Logically, you might have this huge heart and want to help and heal the world and make a huge difference. You might lead with your heart over your head, or you prefer to because your feelings are strong, strong, and your intuition.

 

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And the final ones or decisions might not make sense. But it just feels right. And you have a really strong intuition of what is right and what is wrong. So if you are an empath, how to kind of support yourself with it. So there’s five steps that I take clients through. So the first step is really find your feelings. So what do I mean by that? So start to articulate how you feeling. So, for example, is a great tool that I use with clients that when you’re a woman at the top, it might be that you’re feeling a whole series of emotions, you might be feeling something’s gone brilliantly, you’re being hard about upon yourself, about one thing that’s gone wrong, and your feelings become a great big, grey, swirling massive, just so much in your mind that you don’t actually know. So it’s a great tool called the feelings will. And it was put together by a psychologist called put Chuck, and I’ll put the link in the show notes, the tool that I use and the worksheet that I use for this, but just first of all, find your feelings. So just be able to articulate what you’re feeling because we tend to fall back to either feeling positive or feeling negative. So rather than that, get concise, get specific on what you’re feeling. So are you feeling angry? Are you feeling frustrated? Are you feeling excited, anything passionate, you think hopeful, and be specific, find the words, and get specific about your emotions and what you’re feeling. Step number two is and feel all your feelings. So allow yourself to feel the positive, the negative, the black, and the white, and the grey everything in between. And try not to run away from feelings of feelings are like forest fires, they will keep popping up and popping up until you do something about them. So think of feelings as feedback. They’re there just to guide you in the right direction. They’re there just to help you make a decision. They’re there to help you focus on what’s important to you and what isn’t right for you. So let yourself feel those feelings. So again, a great tool for that is just what I call a daily check in, which can be as simple as just writing down as to the question what how am I feeling today? What’s going on for me today? What do I need today. And for the clients that use that tool, they might write it down, they might speak it and share it with their partner. Or they might just let themselves speak it into microphones, pens, again, what works for them. So let yourself feel or your feelings. Number three is follow your feelings. So be brave enough just to start to curate your inner voice start to create actually articulating what you’re feeling and what does it then mean that you need. So I call it your cup of tea voice. So your inner voice of knowing what you need, I call it your cup of tea voice. Because if you were sat here with me now, which would be absolutely delightful. You would know if I asked you what you want to drink, you would know instantly. So it’s starting to build your trust around the smaller things that lead into the bigger things. So start to really create that inner voice, that intuition and start to feel your feelings. So if you’re tired, make sure that you can give yourself some rest in the day if you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. Again, what’s your tool for that is it to get out in nature is it to going for a walk and just kind of break that cycle. Step number four is own your feelings. So this is really about knowing it’s okay to feel how you feel. Because you’re feeling a certain way doesn’t make you a bad person doesn’t make you a poor leader. Just kind of be accountable for your feelings and lean into them and know that they’re there to teach you to show you to help you to see something and own them. So if you know you’ve reacted in a meeting in a way that wasn’t great, just now recognise that take some time to split out your reaction from responding. So what do I mean by that? So as women we can be very led by the social part of the brain that he said she said, and what that can lead to is almost like an instant reaction sometimes. So rather than that reaction, give yourself a moment to check in with how you’re feeling. Own your feelings and then think well how do I want to respond? So you’re going from more of an animal part your brain

 

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This instant is very quick that doesn’t think about the future, you’re then allowing yourself to breathe, pause and get back into your human brain, which does think about the future, which is where your logic your reasoning sits. And step number five is finished your feelings. So if you feel yourself still carrying a feeling around with you, there’s still an action to take. So it might be I’m a very physical person. So for me, I can wash down and finish feelings by going for a swim, I can finish feelings by being in my own skin, by going and doing some exercise by having a swim by walking my dogs by watching something that I’m really enjoying. So I can switch into my skin and just relax and just let those feelings finish. So not to be stuck in them. Other clients, they write it down how they’re feeling, what’s going on for them. Other clients, again, it’s what’s their, what’s their way of getting out of their feeling and back into their own skin and being present in the moment? Is that being with their family, is that switching off clearly from work? What are the way of finishing your feelings? So that’s really for help you identify the symptoms. So that is what is an empath we’ve covered. We’ve also then covered what are what sticks, your definition, what’s my definition and lightning rod of emotion. We then discuss how important it is in an organisation what empathy is what empathy isn’t. And we’ve talked a little bit about why empathy is a superpower in the future of work. So the final bit that I just wanted to cover off, and we go back to that stat of 93% of employees reported the likely statement, empathetic employer. So you as a leader, you role model that you demonstrate, you’ll be a living, living, breathing example of that. And there’s something really important, especially in today’s world, where employees, they have a lot of power, there is a war on talent. And knowing that actually creating that more inclusive diverse culture shows empathy demonstrates empathy and understanding.

 

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And the organisation is known to be more empathetic when they have that diversity in leadership. So knowing you, as a woman moving up the organisation, you’re going to help develop that more empathetic culture. So how to build that culture of empathy. So just begin demonstrating empathy through employee touch point. So that could be through empathetic communication, that can be through active listening in team meetings, and give me your time team, your team time to share things and what’s going on for them. It can be checking your understanding, to start building a culture of care, to start building a culture that is more open and more honest. So that could also involve reducing competitiveness. And yes, no black and white thinking. And also, even though hierarchy is needed, making sure that there’s empathy, skill, building activities and training, and also encouraging within your team just allowing and supporting them to develop skills to put themselves into the minds of others. So you as a leader, you can have a huge impact with how you communicate with understanding that someone might be acting for a certain reason, active listening, checking your own understanding of what’s the way that going to build start to build a culture of care, and understanding. And empathy is so connected to the reverse inclusion has the impacts then on the business for influencing employee wellbeing, motivation, and productivity and being really effective in their roles and retention and engagement. So it becomes empathy for you as a leader, and then for the organisation becomes a superpower because you become an organisation that attracts and retains the best talent and attracting keeping your employees will be absolutely so important to success now and into the future. As we come out of post COVID-19, a new way of working, the world is cracked open. And there is a new way of working, there is a new, more human style of leadership. And at the heart of that style. leadership needs to be the ability to have empathy, be able to demonstrate empathy, role modelling. And if it’s something that doesn’t come naturally to you know that again, it’s a skill that you can develop. It’s not just something that is just there or not there. So it could be that you create some new trainings, it could be that you employ someone like me to help develop that safe culture that has empathy at the very heart of it. And you invest in developing the skill for yourself but also throughout the organisation to be a step ahead and to be an employer of choice when valuing the human side of a person and your workforce is more important than ever. So, that’s been quite a huge podcast today. But really, for me, like I said, empathy is how I live my life. It means I have I live a very deep and rich life.

 

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At times, I can catch feelings if you like from other people, I can be so caught up in the fear and worry about upsetting other people. So, but I can also walk into a room and sense what’s going on I can sense the culture of an organisation. So know what empathy is, define it within your organisation, have a think about you whether you are a sensitive person or an empath yourself? If so, how do you support yourself, and also set a framework for then developing skill for yourself, but also across the organisation. And I would absolutely love to hear how you get on with this. And I think this is going to be just increasingly increasingly important. So if you’re looking to develop empathy as your leader, leadership, superpower, do drop me a message, this is a big part of the work that I do. All my details are in the show notes. Or if you’re a leader who’s wanting to develop your own skills of being empathetic and supporting and understanding your team and to have even more impact and influence. Again, do drop me a message, my contact details are in the show notes. And if you’re in an organisation that’s already has that empathy at the heart of it, I’d love to know about how you’ve done it. Or if you’re an organisation that’s struggling, do send me a message and see what I can do to support you. So thank you for listening today. Look forward to hear from you and see you again, on the next podcast. Bye.

 

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i Is Nick here, I just want to take a moment just to say thank you for listening. When I’m sat recording a podcast in the deepest depths of Como is incredible to think it is reaching women across the world in 30 different countries and we have 1000s of downloads a month. So thank you so much for being part of that. And being part of the audience means the world to me. But I do want to grow this audience, I would love you to help me reach more women like you so that we can really drive positive change in the corporate world. So you can do that one of three ways. First of all, you can subscribe to the podcast, you never miss an episode. It’s always new episodes always delivered straight to your inbox. You can review the podcast and leave us a rating. And the more ratings we have, we also go up in the podcast charts. And finally, you can just share a favourite podcast with a peer with a colleague or on your social media. So I would love you to do that. Thank you for all your help and I can’t wait for what’s next