Nicola: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to women at the top of telecoms and tech. I am your host. I am Nicola Buckley, and I work with tech and telecom organizations, helping them to recruit. And develop women in leadership and also future talent to close the gender pay gap and also create more inclusive cultures. So today’s episode, I’m really excited, cause this is a subject that is very close to my heart and something I often focus on with clients.

It’s really about how to own your value. How to own your unique value that you bring, that you do in your way. So gonna be talking about just gonna start with an introduction, it really relates to a video that I watched, which was just phenomenal that I’ll pop into the show [00:01:00] notes. That was from a global leader called Margie world.

So we’ll talk about that more in a moment, um, kind of brought today’s episode into my mind. Really. Then we’re gonna talk a bit, a little bit about why it might be challenging for women particularly to own their value. Then we’re gonna talk about how you might be hiding your light a little bit and what sort of things that you are doing and what sort of behavior.

And then I’m gonna help you to recognize your own value. So we’ve got five points to go through and then how to, or why you’re not owning a value and then how to recognize your own value. So it’s quite potentially a chunky one today, so let’s just get stuck writing. So I listened to this video a couple of weeks ago by Mar war, and I’ve kind of had it on repeat sense.

And I’m just gonna read you a little quote. It’s so, so powerful. So power has no gender. It is not male. It is not female, but we are so conditioned to equate power with [00:02:00] masculine leadership traits. Yet every single one of us has value to bring two. Often we talk ourselves down or we pair our weaknesses with other strengths, or we compare a new skill to what someone has already mastered, or we look at.

Colleague who’s completely in control and seems to be very calm and just getting things done. And we compare ourselves and in comparing ourselves, we are not owning the value that we bring. So I love that quote and I love so much about it, but I think the first line is the most powerful, which is power has no gender.

But we are conditioned to equate power with masculine leadership traits. So what I really wanna help you to today and what my intention is today is to help you to own your value that you bring with your experience, with your knowledge. And the way that you do things [00:03:00] and you owning your power and you owning your value, doesn’t detract from anyone else doesn’t lessen what anyone else does, but it just puts you on that level of understanding and knowing, and trusting yourself that you have some incredible experience to bring that you have some.

Really powerful knowledge, you have a contribution to make, to conversations and the leadership of the organization. You can set a really clear framework for your team and just for you to really step into and own your own value. And when we, when we don’t, uh, value what you bring, when you are not valuing and owning what you bring to the business, to the organization, to your team, you’re actually doing a really big disservice you’re dis servicing.

Yourself, your team, your organization, when you are negatively comparing, when you’re picking yourself down, when you’re not owning the value that you bring, you’re gonna end up playing smaller. You’re gonna [00:04:00] end up feeling less confident. You’re not gonna speak up as much in meetings. You’re not gonna challenge and be absolutely clear.

This is an next role. This is what I want. How can you help me to get there? So if this is already resonating with you, I’m just gonna go a little bit now into why that might be there. And I’m gonna go back to some childhood beliefs that might be lingering around for you and beliefs are a big part of what I work on with clients.

So beliefs can be. Just, you might not look at them day to day, but they are things that firmly hold you back. Cuz the brain loves prediction response. So your beliefs are almost like your framework of how you view the world. So there might be some lingering from when you’re a child that don’t serve you now as a woman in leadership that you’ve outgrown that is still there because you haven’t looked at them, investigated them and changed them.

So you are internalizing these beliefs. You’re internalizing, make them about you and being hard on yourself. Probably when actually we just. Draw out, [00:05:00] look at work on and upgrade your. So I know for me, when I grew up, when I was growing up, there was a lot about not to be arrogant, not to be a big head, not to show off.

It was a really unwanted trait in boys. It was probably tolerated, but in girls it was really unacceptable. It was just something that just was my, I know that my mom would tell me not to be a big head and not to be arrogant and also for little girls to be seen and not heard. And not to share your birthday dreams and wishes because then they wouldn’t come true.

And all these things confounding and having that, almost that belief around it’s, it’s rude for me to say that I’m really good at something it’s too much. I’m gonna be too much for someone. And it’s not about being pushy or greedy or difficult. It’s actually about just really owning your value. And I really want you to think about today, where are you hiding your.

Where are you downplaying what [00:06:00] you are doing? Where are you saying things like, I’m just doing my job. It was easy. Or where are you saying actually it was my team did that. Where are you not accepting compliments? Where are you not believing really positive feedback? Where are you not going for a promotion and sharing your ambition of you wanna get to that very senior Le leader level?

Where are you forcing backwards in the meeting? And they’re getting stuck in your. And actually as a woman at the top, you have a responsibility to you, your company, your industry, and your team, and others, looking up to you to set that example of really recognizing and owning your value and not just get stuck in doing the job, not just get stuck in delivery and proving yourself and hosting for your work and putting your own career development behind your team and never getting round sweat.

Just to challenge you today, just to think about where you are with owning your own value. I know it’s [00:07:00] not arrogant. It’s not gonna make you too much. It’s not going to make you pushy or difficult. It’s just you stepping into and really owning your value. Just having that confidence and faith and belief in you in your skills, in what you can deliver in what you are brilliant at.

In where your magic truly lies. I’ll talk a bit more about your magic in a moment. So why are you not owning your value at the moment? What might be going on here? So there’s a few things that might be at play. And this is what I see a lot in the clients or coaching clients that I work with and on the leadership programs that I run.

So first of all, there might be some negative comparisons. So you might be just going into meetings and comparing someone who’s very vocal that speaks up a lot with you who is more of an introvert, or you like to be a reflector, you like to go away and think about things. And then you can come up with a brilliant idea.

So you compare your weakness with other people’s strengths and just naturally what they’re good at. You might also compare. Where you are at the beginning of a [00:08:00] new skill and developing it, you’re aware, but you’re just starting to develop it with someone who’s a master. That’s been doing that for years and years and years.

Um, or you might compare yourself with the woman at the school gate that seems completely in control. That is always looks really well made up, and they’re very calm and in control. And just, just, just seem to be, have everything together where we feel like we’re Swan, furiously peddling under the water, but they might be looking at us thinking exactly the same.

So that’s the first one. There’s the negative comparisons that we make. So just be aware of when you’re comparing yourself to other people and you might be comparing yourself to something that you need to work on develop versus someone’s absolute strength. So try and be kinder, try and see the world with kinder eyes.

Number two. You might be overly focused on your development needs. So in the corporate world, there’s a huge focus, especially around annual reviews, uh, especially in development work to really focus on your development [00:09:00] needs. When we know development needs are essentially. Can be seen quite negative.

There are essentially areas that you need to work on. So that can be things I know for me early on in my career, it was a lot around confidence and there was a lot around time management because I took on so much. Cause I was scared to say no, and it wasn’t ever gonna be a time management course. That was gonna help me.

It wasn’t ever gonna be being more confident and going to those workshops again and again, because actually what I needed to work on was to really own my value. So don’t just focus on your developments, focus on what you’re brilliant at those natural skills and the things that you’ve developed and know it’s okay to own being brilliant at things.

Number three, why you’re not owning your values. So it might feel really icky and awkward to self promote to talk about the things you’re brilliant at. To share your magic to take on a project that you know, that you’re just gonna fly through because it’s your absolute, it’s what you do best. [00:10:00] And I would just invite you to go back and listen to the podcast episode.

That’s about self-promotion. First of all, you need to know your value and know where you have the most impact and where you’re the most powerful. An influential version of yourself, and then you need to talk about it. You need to tell others, and you’re doing again yourself and your organization, a disservice.

If you’re not doing that, if you’re not self promoting, if you’re not telling your others the brilliant things that your team have delivered, but you are rolling it. And what you’ve done to get there. Number four hustle, co culture, the over given lessens your value. So presenteeism obviously looks different now in the corporate world with hybrid working, but it has a lot to answer for, and actually in, in re research, 53% of women work harder to prove themselves.

This is what Bonnie and Brian were called hustling for your work. So constantly demonstrating your value. Constantly [00:11:00] proving that you can deliver and that never lets up. So there’s never any respite, but actually this hustle culture and you overgive is going to lessen your value because you’re always there because you are, see part the furniture cuz people see you less.

You’re almost become invisible if you’re not saying those boundaries, if you’re not saying no at times and, and pushing batter, that’s not our areas. Not for us to look. Um, and then number five is really not owning your value also, cuz you’re downplaying what you’re doing. So it might be something like you might be saying things like I’m just doing my job or why would I not do that?

And not taking compliments or fending off really positive feedback and not letting it land on you and sinking and wash over you. So really think about where you might be downplaying. Your job and what your team is also delivering. So that might be why you are not owning your value. And then also those childhood beliefs that we’ve already talked about.

So how to recognize, start to recognize your value [00:12:00] and own your value. So those two parts is the recognizing and then owning. So number one, Is looking at your skills. So just really to think about and do a very honest skills assessment versus the job that you have versus the job that you would want and like to get to that, you know, that you can, and then also look at how you spend your time.

So time track, how you are spending your time and using those skills and what do you love and what gets you excited? What feels really easy for you. So just really spend some time assessing your skills and also looking at your experience and what you bring to the role and look at that dream job title.

So if that CEO or COO or whatever it is, what are the skills that I need to get there? What, the skills that I know I have now, and look at that job spec, and start to break it down and start to know if there’s a gap there. How do I work on it? How do I develop that skill? How do I demonstrate that? So that’s number one, number two.

And I, um, this is something I [00:13:00] work a lot with clients on is really identifying what is their magic. So when I say what your magic, what I mean by that is your magic is the thing that you do in only the way that you can do it. That has a big impact on other people. So it’s a skill, but it’s also the way that you develop that skill.

So your magic is, are the things that you find easy where time flies, that you’re complimented on. How do you make that look so easy? I really struggle with this, but for you, you just, that seems so easy for you. What do you get complimented on time and time again? So really think about your magic and really think about.

What are those things that are easy? What are things where time flies, what are you complimented a lot? Um, and what do you know that you just, it’s just, you just enjoy it and it’s easy for you. Because that is your magic and your magic. Again, it stops you, it steps you away from comparing it. Stop steps you away from [00:14:00] focusing on what others are doing and back to you.

And that’s what everything within how to recognize your own value. All these steps here are very much focusing on you rather than other people. Number three, have a look at a worksheet that I will add to the show notes, which is who I already am. List. And the who I already am list is really looking back at the chapters of your life and looking at your wins.

So remind yourself about the brilliant things that you’ve already done. So you might have made a huge transformational change in your organization. You might have created a team from scratch. You might have saved them company. Millions and millions and pounds, you might have helped them to move into a new market.

You might have set up a whole new HR structure. So really think about the chapters of your life and the wins that you’ve had, because that’s who you already are. So you’re only ever gonna grow and become more. So that’s a really great exercise. I use of many clients just to really step into, to look back and think, wow, these are the things that I’ve done.

These are things I’ve achieved. These are [00:15:00] the things I’ve overcome. How amazing is that? If you were to read it for someone else, you would just think, wow, what an incredible person. So let’s help you to see that for yourself. Number four, create a compliments and feedback file. So this is a really simple, um, structure that I use for a lot of clients, just to really learn, help you learn to take compliments and not just bat them away and not just fend off that positive feedback.

So every time you get a Compli. Every time you get great feedback. Every time you get a really positive email about something that you’ve done, you can just print it out, keep it in a file, or keep it on the email. Just keep a separate email folder. And on the days you’re not feeling all of those things.

You’re not feeling so positive. You’re not feeling believing in yourself so much. Go back and read them. Because that’s still, you, it’s just that day, you’re seeing things differently. So this is gonna help you to come back to, this is me. This is who I am. Number five, practice sharing and speaking to your value.

So we’ve looked at how to kind of recognize your [00:16:00] value. So this is more around share and speak to your value. So for me, for example, when I, when I first moved more into leadership coaching, I was asked to write a bio for my podcast to go on at the podcast and to be a guest on podcast. And I just, I very glibly just said I had a 16 year corporate marketing career.

And when I, when I was asked to, well, that’s, that’s great. That doesn’t really say what you’ve done it doesn’t tell me about your achievements. It doesn’t gimme the scope of what you’ve done. So then when I broke it down, It was also sharing that I led a 10 million pound brand new technology launch that was brand new to the entire world that went so well that we started off and launching that day in a technology conference.

To a standing ovation and finished that day on radio one telling the world about this new product. So I did that. I created that, and I took that from a very small product, becoming the main focus for a particular [00:17:00] year, because wanted to have a point of difference in the telecoms world. So this new piece of technology became the big focus for launching in that period.

And I’m really, really proud of that, but I was just downplaying it saying I’ve just done some marketing for corporates . Um, and looking back now, I’ve launched a brand new the world, 10 million pound new technology. So number six, following on from that. So conscious growth. So set yourself some self growth goals.

Make yourself your self development, a priority, not always just focusing on your team’s development, but also giving yourself time as well. Uh, speaking to a former. That works at Microsoft yesterday. And she was saying, how meetings are now, Fridays are now non meeting days. So essentially those are the days that you can really focus in on stretchy work.

There are days that you can look at your self development. There are days we can take an online course days that you can. Um, if you’ve invest, if you are part of a program, you can focus on the work for that. So no meetings are booked on a [00:18:00] Friday to support everyone’s development, which I just thought was incredible.

So, but set yourself some self growth goals. Think about areas you’d like to develop and make your self development a priority. And also remember that in doing that, you are also role modeling to your team at how important it is. So as a leader, you are role modeling. That self development is just it’s.

You never stop learning number seven. Saying? Yes. So Cheryl Samba talks about this, about leaning into opportunities. So if you’re asked to join a panel, say yes, if you’re asked to come on a podcast like this, say yes, if you are asked to go and speak in schools to tell ’em about the world of telecoms of tech, say yes, say yes and lean into those different opportunities that are coming up because you are gonna be sharing your story.

You’re gonna be replying. All of the, um, all of the chapters that brought you to where you are that might well inspire someone else, but also help you recognize your value. And those opportunities are a reminder of your value as well. And then number eight [00:19:00] is finally asked for what you want. So really just to speak up to be very concise and clear, and you strong and direct language to say what you.

And not to take it personally, if it’s a di, if there’s a rejection or it’s a no for now. So for example, I’ve got, um, a great friend who works in telecoms and I interviewed her for the podcast next week. So you will hear that soon. It’s just an incredible interview. But she was saying before she finishes her career, she wants to be a director.

So she sat down with her boss and she asked the question, I want to be a director in your eyes. Can I do that? What do I need to do to get there? And how can you help? So she’d gone away and she thought about where she wanted to get to she’d thought about what questions she wanted to ask. She didn’t in that moment, it wasn’t about emotion.

It wasn’t about, you know, just hoping to get there. Let’s be really clear. This is what I want. I want to be a director in your eyes. Can I do that? What do I need to do [00:20:00] to get there? And how can you help me? So that just incredibly powerful asking what you want, owning your ambition. Risking potential rejection, but actually knowing that that could lead to a different avenue that is for you and the way that you want to go.

And yeah, it’s just, it’s really, it’s your time. It’s your time and you are ready for the next step. And I’m really invited to think about what is stopping you, owning your value right now, what’s stopping you, recognizing it, go back through those points and know that as a woman at the very top of your organization, you have a responsibility to own your value.

You have responsibility yourself, your team, your company, others looking up to you to really just to own your value. Rather than thinking, who am I to ask for that? Who am I to ask for operation? Who am I to state my ambition? Try flipping it on its head by asking who am I not to ask for that? And actually [00:21:00] opportunities rarely go to the people, their head down, just delivering and doing the work.

Or with highest IQ or those really, if you’re being a martyr, those selfless martyrs, it goes to those who advocate for themselves. They go to those that know their value, that trust their skills, that know that they can make an impact. And the fact that men tend to rate their value higher than women is not their fault.

So really it’s down to us to kind of step into owning our value and just be almost extra attentive. To not allow that gendered social condition dictate the value we place on ourselves or how much, or how little we settle for. So there is a framework where men tend to rate their value higher. So we need to almost work even harder to step into spending time on knowing our value and owning our value to UN sort to undo that.

So that’s it for today’s episode, I re I really hope you found that useful. And if you are a woman at the top and you are finding it difficult to own your value, this is [00:22:00] something that I work on a lot with clients. So do drop me a message. Or if you’re looking for support for women across your organization.

To fulfill more of those leadership roles and then get to the top and stay at the top and create that diversity and that gender parity that leads that more inclusive culture. Just drop me a message. Um, all my contact details are in the show notes. We can have a conversation about how I can help you. So if you are new to the podcast, I’d really urge you to share today’s episode with someone you think it might find useful or subscribe.

So you never miss an episode or share a view so more people can find. But thanks so much for listening today and I will see you on the next episode. Bye.

Hi, it’s Nick here. I just wanna take a moment just to say thank you for listening. When I’m sat recording a podcast in the deepest steps of Cornel, it’s incredible to think that is reaching women across the world in 30 different countries. And we have thousands of downloads a month. So thank you so [00:23:00] much for being part of that and being part of the.

Means a world to me, but I do want to grow this audience. I would love you to help me reach more women like you so that we can really drive positive change in the corporate world. So you can do that one of three. First of all, you can subscribe to the podcast. You never miss an episode. It’s always a new episode.

It’s always delivered straight to your inbox. You can review the podcast and leave us of rating. And the more ratings we have, we also go up in the podcast charts. And finally, you can just share a favorite podcast with a peer, with a colleague or on your social media. So I would love you to do that. Thank you for all your help.

Um, I can’t wait for what’s next.